EI: Examples of emotional intelligence

Case studies of emotional intelligence

Dimension 3 - Understanding the emotions of others 3. Facebook hurt. A teenager, Anna, was on Facebook reading her messages. The school ball had taken place the night before and friends were already leaving photographs and comments. Suddenly she noticed another girl, Christie, had left a comment saying that "You looked BEAUTIFUL!" How would someone with high levels of emotional intelligence have reacted to or interpreted this comment? How would someone with lower levels of emotional intelligence read this? Anna felt very hurt. She read the capital letters and the exclamation mark as sarcasm. She presumed that Christie was putting her down and suggesting that really she looked awful. Devastated by this, she immediately flicked back a quick response saying, "You didn't look that flash yourself". Ouch! Being able to understand the emotions of others, means being accurate in your reading of others. It does not mean reading in something that is not there. In this case, Christie really did think her friend looked beautiful. She had used the capital letters to add emphasis, and to show how enthusiastic she really was. Exclamation marks are typically used by girls and women to express enthusiasm, so she had also included that for extra impact. Anna displayed a lower level of emotional intelligence both in reading the comment and in responding to it. She needed to be more accurate in reading others' emotions. How accurate are you in reading others' emotions?

Dimension 4 - Reasoning with emotions. 4. San Francisco here I come. I received a phone call once, to attend a conference in San Francisco. Imagine my delight at receiving such an invitation. I had never been to San Francisco before and I'd heard a lot about it and it sounded amazing. It was also a trip I could take with a close friend as she was attending the conference too. My immediate response was, of course, to say "Yes" enthusiastically. Was this an emotionally intelligent decision? No, not at all. It was a straight out emotional one. The only piece of information I had considered was my own enthusiasm. As I reflected on this I decided I needed to also consider other emotional data, from my family and my boss. I also needed to factor into my decision cognitive data, such as, how much money was involved, whether I had sufficient leave, and so on. I found out that my family was dismayed at the idea of my being away from home again, as I had already had big chunks of time away for study reasons. The manager I was working for thought the timing was bad and he didn't want me to be away from work at that time. Financially, I discovered the people expected me to pay my own way and I did not have much in the way of surplus cash at that time. I sat down and reconsidered my decision, only this time with emotional data from a number of sources, plus all the relevant facts and figures. I made a very different decision. Next day I called back and gave my apologies. I am sure this was the right decision. Reasoning with emotions means that you do include emotional data into your decisions, but it doesn't mean emotions are your only considerations. How emotionally intelligent are your decisions?

Dimension 5 - Managing your own emotions. 5. Feedback despite anxiety. An executive, Christopher, needed to provide one of his senior managers with feedback on his poor performance. The previous executive had failed to approach this manager on his poor performance and it had been allowed to continue and become entrenched. Christopher felt anxious about doing this as he was concerned his manager would get upset and start blaming him, or worse still, get angry and undermine him later by spreading malicious gossip. He felt uncomfortable with strong displays of emotions and wasn't sure he had the skills to handle them. What would someone with high levels of emotional intelligence do in this situation? What would someone with lower levels of emotional intelligence do? Typically people with lower levels of emotional intelligence would avoid this situation, put it off, or soften the feedback that is given so that direct feedback is avoided. This is a scenario played out in organisations on a daily basis. Instead, Christopher took action to manage his anxiety. He prepared carefully what he would say, and he sought advice on how to handle any displays of emotion. He let the other members of the executive know so they could be forewarned in case of any fallout. He also listened to relaxing music before going to bed the night before and went for a walk first thing in the morning. Christopher went ahead with the session. He was honest and clear in the feedback he gave while also being respectful. He listened to the manager's input without becoming defensive, even though he could feel himself sweating. He still felt anxious about giving the feedback, but he managed his anxiety sufficiently well to still do the job that he needed to do. This is being emotionally intelligent on the 5th dimension. How skilled are you in managing your emotions?

Dimension 6 - Managing the emotions of others. 6. Unexpected praise from a manager. An accountant, Julie, working on a long-term and complex project needed to learn new skills that no-one else in the organisation had. For a time she was becoming disheartened and not getting the support she needed because her manager did not sufficiently understand the complexity of the task. After being left on her own for several weeks she was making slow, steady progress. Unexpectedly, she got an email from her manager which was very positive about her progress and her approach to the project. The email was a total surprise as it was atypical of that manager to send anything like that. The result was a burst of enthusiasm from Julie and a greater willingness to battle on, learn more and put "the slog" in to meet the unrealistic deadline. The manager was showing his ability to manage the emotions of others which is the sixth dimension of emotional intelligence. How good are you at managing the emotions of others?

Dimension 7 - Controlling strong emotions. 7. Murderous rage. One of my favourite examples of a lack of emotional intelligence I read about in the newspaper. A young man had only a limited amount of beer in his fridge. His best friend came round to visit. During their conversation he told his friend not to drink his last beer. Later he found his friend had drunk it. What would an emotionally intelligent response have been? To go and buy some more maybe? To ignore it and enjoy his friend's company? To have a cup of coffee instead? He did none of these. He shot his friend dead. He is now in prison serving time for murder. His rage drove him to short-term action which produced long-term negative consequences. This is an extreme but clear example of how a lack of emotional intelligence can impact on a person's behaviour, relationships and life. Being able to control strong emotions such as rage is the seventh dimension of emotional intelligence. This man lacked skills in this area. How good are you at controlling strong emotions?