Anxiety seems to be a bit of a "hush-hush" topic in our society. It's as if anyone who admits to having "anxiety" is thought to be a bit of a nutter, someone who hasn't got their act together, or who has lost the plot! Why? Everyone gets anxious at some time or other. It's a natural built in protective mechanism to help us escape or become aware of danger. So here are some tips on managing anxiety...
1. Label the anxiety for what it is - just anxiety.
Some of us get so worried about being anxious that we make it worse. We develop anxiety about our anxiety, we add fear on top of our fear. In my experience, that's a good way to produce panic attacks - those crippling volcanic eruptions of anxiety that can leave you feeling paralyzed or in fear for your life or so overwhelmed with physiological changes such as heart pounding, sweating, and pain, that you think you're having a heart attack. Anxiety is just anxiety. Simply saying to yourself or someone else, "I am anxious at the moment", can help prevent an extra layer of anxiety being added to the top.
2. Admit to having anxiety without feeling embarrassed.
It's okay to admit you feel anxious or have panic attacks, or get overwhelmed by anxiety in certain situations, such as standing in front of a group. Trying to keep the anxiety a secret can make it worse. Trying not to make it obvious, trying to hide it or denying its existence - for fear that you're going crazy or that people will think badly of you - is likely to make it worse for you because then you become anxious about people discovering you're anxious! I have had panic attacks. And I don't mind telling people. When I do, I've been surprised how many other people have said, "Oh really - so have I but I've always been too embarrassed to tell anyone." The more matter of fact I became about my anxiety the less of a hold it had on me. I don't have panic attacks any more.
3. Keep breathing. Yes! Really!
Many people get very anxious about speaking in front of a group. They're going fine sitting around at lunch chatting to a group of people but as soon as they have to stand up and face a group of people they freeze. What I see many people doing at the very start of their speech is to freeze their breathing. They take in a deep breath and then hold it and forget to breathe out again. They try to hold the breath in while trying to talk at the same time! It's quite a skill, especially as the breath provides the power for the voice. It's the breath going out which makes the vocal cords vibrate to produce a sound. So if you get anxious in front of a group, just as you are going to speak, breathe out, then in again, then out again and on the out breath, start speaking.
4. Breathe deeply and slowly.
Often when someone is anxious, breathing becomes shallow, superficial or rapid. The upper part of the chest seems to tighten and be the only place that the breath can get into. It's as if the rest of the chest closes down. To reduce this, focus on breathing deeply and slowly. Learn how to control your breathing. By putting your hand on your lower ribs or midriff and allowing that part of your body to also move as you breathe, you may find it easier to keep breathing deeply.
No-one is going to notice at a meeting, while you're waiting to speak, or before a job interview that you are doing this. It can also be useful before you sit in a dentist's chair or while you are approaching any situation that may provoke anxiety in you.
5. Watch your thoughts.
Become aware of what you say to yourself in your head. Often it is what we are telling ourselves that can promote anxiety. For example, many of us can let our thoughts run away with us, and we imagine all sorts of dreadful things happening to us and other people. Often a little phrase in our heads can trigger these thoughts. A phrase such as, "What if". "What if I get sick...?" "What if I lose my job?" "What if it's cancer?" "What if she doesn't like me anymore?" It is our minds that generate "What ifs ..." and our minds that follow them, add to them, believe them and then produce anxiety about them. By watching our minds for "What ifs" and catching them early, it can be possible to prevent the anxiety from building up.
I have found that meditation has helped me enormously with this. Our meditation teacher also taught me that if a "what if" has taken over, by asking myself the opposite, "What if it didn't"... I could also stop myself from getting anxious. After all, "what if I get sick" versus "What if I didn't get sick" produces two quite different conditions in the mind.
"What if I get asked a questions I can't answer" versus "what if I don't".
"What if it hurts" versus "What if it doesn't".
"What if I flunk the job interview" versus "What if I don't" (or even better, "What if I do well!") may produce different responses and lower anxiety.
Other sources of help.
There are a number of free resources on meditation available. For links to meditation sites and resources around the world go to "meditation" on our links page.
There are CDs on "How Not to Take Things Personally" are also available. Full details here.
6. Seek help.
There are a number of useful treatments available for anxiety, including medication from your doctor, cognitive behaviour strategies from your psychologist and other counselling and psychiatric methods. Take care of yourself and be willing (and brave enough!) to seek the help you need. After all, if someone has an upset stomach they'd go to the doctor. Why not also go to the doctor or psychologist with an upset mind? Please don't take the ideas in this newsletter as the definitive answer to anxiety, they are general guidelines only ... a good doctor or psychologist will be able to tailor-make assistance for each individual!
Here's hoping for your peace and calm amidst the chaos!
Rachel.
