Bursting with attitude.
Welcome to this 144th edition of Rachel's Reflections, the number one Internet publication providing you with practical, dynamic help to develop your emotional intelligence and communication skills.
In this edition:
- Why bursting with attitude could improve your life.
- Latest news: Body language of confidence.
- Top tips on how to be bursting with a great attitude.
- How you can learn more at home, immediately.
- Rachel's Response: "Zapping your emotional buttons."
- Fortnightly Feelings: "I was ambushed in a meeting."
- Laugh your socks off.
1. Why bursting with attitude could improve your life, today.
Ever got out of bed cranky with the world? If so, you're not on your own. I have seen some dreadful bumper stickers recently with awful attitudes. The one which showed a map of Australia and then said, "F... off, we're full!", I thought particularly disgusting. Another one said, "If you don't like my driving, eat s...!"
Imagine getting out of bed each morning with these as your attitudes. That's not having a chip on your shoulder, it's a whole huge lump of concrete. The attitude you take into the world makes a big difference to how your day pans out. If you think negatively, expect negativity. If you're more positive, you're more likely to get positivity. So start your day with the right attitude. It could improve your life. Read on for great tips on how you can do it, now.
2. Latest news: The body language of confidence.
Greetings to all new subscribers from the Secondary Schools Registrars' conference. What a good laugh we had. I prepared a speech especially for it called, "Check the flesh: The body langauge of confidence." Did you know women head nod more than men? Do you know that confident people take up space in meetings? Everyone learnt so much and ached with laughter. One of the Registrars came up afterwards and said, "I've been to so many presentations on body language and have hardly ever learnt anything useful. But yours was so different I learnt heaps, it was marvellous. And I didn't stop laughing." If you'd like to get the same response at your conference, then book me to e-mail me now, while I still have some spaces available:
3. Top tips on how to be bursting with a great attitude.
Tip A. Compare yourself to those in war-torn areas.
Whatever your issues, ask yourself, "Are there any bombs dropping on my head?" If the answer to that is "No", there is a huge chance that you're better off than many other people in the world. The old saying "count your blessings" is a wise one. Then, of course, look in your fridge or pantry - do you have any food to eat? If the answer is "Yes", then you're far more fortunate than many people in the world who are dying from starvation. It's hard for us to ever think what that's like ... as we eat more and more to comfort ourselves. We have much to celebrate. If you find it hard to do this and would like to start your day bursting with attitude, join me in our course: "Optimism and motivation at work: How to want to go to work even on a Monday morning." The next one is on Friday 17th September, 2004, 9.00 - 4.00, $295. E-mail me now to book in:
Tip B. If you have a bumper sticker - have an uplifting one.
Your attitude influences other people. If a negative cloud oozes from your pores it will contribute to other people's negativity. Instead, spread gentle beads of kindness so others may benefit. I have the name and phone number of a crisis line on my car so at least others know help is available. Other people have far more positive ones such as, "Practise random acts of kindness and senseless beauty." It may not be the best but it's a lot better than most I read. Start a new trend and invent your own today.
Tip C. Look in the mirror and smile.
Yes! Look in the mirror and smile at yourself each morning. There's a lot of health benefits that will arise from using all those smiling muscles. Prepare your face for the day! It's not just about putting make-up or after-shave on. A smiling face is far more attractive than any made-up face that scowls.
Tip D. Practise loving-kindness meditation to strengthen your mind.
I know I've mentioned this before but I think it's very valuable. I try to practise loving-kindness meditation every day and hope to do so for the rest of my life. It helps me to look forward to each day, it reduces my nerves and makes my days easier, and I find I'm calmer with people than I used to be, a great help when they are difficult. It strengthens my mind against negativity. If you'd like to get the same benefits from it that I do, then order our CD set, "Happy Not Hassled" and I will guide you through it. Send me an e-mail: to purchase it, it's a 2 CD set for only $45 with free postage and packing. If you're finding it hard to rise above the negativity give loving-kindness meditation a go. The attitude you have, is your choice. Get a great one now.
Tip E. Find ways to generate laughter.
A good laugh, even if you're on your own can boost your immune system and your attitude. I've started getting a library of good DVDs together which I can play to lift my spirits or to share with friends when they're down. Of course, Shrek is in the collection. As I drive from one job to another or on my way home at night, I also play music that makes me laugh. My favourite is a group called, "The Sensitive New Age Cowpersons". They send up everything from the Australian National Anthem and Anzac biscuits to whales and Abba ... and in such a funny, funny way. No chance of road rage with that in the car. What's so good though is that these 4 guys are absolutely brilliant musicians as well as hilarious. So it's superb music and great comedy all in one. What a gift that is. They're touring, I think, to the USA and UK soon, and throughout Australia, so keep an eye out for them, so you can laugh too.
4. How you can learn more at home, immediately.
Happy not hassled: Using meditation to manage your emotions and find contentment.
This two CD set gives you many tips on how to relax your mind and body, stay calm, de-stress and unwind. And I will gently guide you through four different and easy-to-do meditations of varying lengths from 5 minutes to 30 minutes. You'll also hear how to use these meditations, and other methods, to manage your emotions, reduce anxiety and anger, and stop the little things getting to you. Get these 2 CDs and feel good about yourself and have a great attitude. AU$45.00 with no extra for postage, world-wide! Order now!
Other free newsletters:
There are other useful newsletters to help you. They are on the rachelgreen.com website for you to read or print off whenever you wish. Click here to read them.
Tips
There are many other useful tips to help you on the rachelgreen.com website. Topics range from how to talk to teenagers or elderly parents to boosting your bones, body language and developing your emotional intelligence. Click here to read them.
5. Rachel's Response: Zapping your emotional buttons
Each fortnight I select one letter we have been sent requesting advice and reply to it. Write us a letter. Gain some free advice. We require your real name but you will not be identified in the column.
Dear Rachel,
Help please, I keep getting my emotional buttons set-off. I want to be able to listen to what someone is saying instead of jumping in with my own comments and "stuff", as you call it! But I find it so hard to do. I react instead. I want to be able to simply understand how someone else is feeling. But how do I do it? At home I find I jump in over the top of my partner wanting to solve instead of listen. At work with clients, I find I end up upsetting people because my own feelings keep getting in the way. Last week one of my clients started complaining and I found myself getting defensive instead of validating their feelings. I find it so hard just to sit there and not let my own thinking or emotions interfere. Help please.
Buttons Pressed of Fremantle.
Dear Buttons Pressed,
What great insight you have. Many people don't even realise their emotional buttons have been pushed and simply have knee-jerk reactions. You are developing great awareness into what is happening both in you and in the people you are talking to. This is a superb first step, and I want you to feel encouraged by this. Once you have awareness the rest is much easier.
You are wanting such an important skill at work and at home. Being able to listen to and support the feelings of your lover, children or staff helps build trust between you and encourages people to open up to you because they feel safe doing so. More relationships would thrive if people could do this. More workplaces would have higher morale if this was done between managers and staff and within teams.
You can start by reminding yourself at the beginning of each day that your goal is to listen to other people's emotions and to zap your emotional buttons. Reminding yourself of your goals helps to direct your attention.
Another way is to simply feed back to the person what you have understood he or she has said, without any comment from you. You need to put this in your own words though and not sound like a parrot. So, if a client has said, "I'm dispapointed that I haven't got the results as quickly as I expected" you might say, "So you feel let down by the time it's taking to get the improvements you wanted." Then pause and wait for them to comment. They'll be impressed and feel heard. If you would like to be able to practise doing this then get the 3 CD set, "Becoming A Skilled Communicator" and join in the live examples.
Many times people respond too quickly to other people. Try delaying your response so you have a few seconds of thinking time. Engage your brain before you open your mouth. Count to three inside your head, simply allow silence, take a deep breath or use a fill-in phrase, such as, "Thank you for telling me how you feel," before responding more fully. Be kind to yourself. Give yourself time. New skills take time to learn. Going in too quickly with a response doesn't give you the time you need.
If you'd like to use this skill and build trust at home or work, come to our next course, "Reading people right". The next one is on this Friday, 3rd September 2004, 9.00 - 4.00 pm, $295. To book send me an e-mail urgently on: There is another one on 29th October which you can book into, if you'd rather.
If you keep developing your skills, over time your emotional buttons will lessen. I've worked hard to reduce mine and I know they can go.
With kindness and encouragement,
Rachel.
6. Check your Fortnightly Feelings: Feeling ambushed at a meeting.
How many feeling words do you have in your vocabulary? The more you have the better your chance of developing your emotional intelligence. You need the language of emotions to understand and think about emotions. Each fortnight I will include a feeling word for you to try out over the next fortnight. Send in your own words and phrases too so that I can include them in the list.
Today's word is:
Ambushed.
Ambushed is a feeling that can occur when someone does something you weren't expecting and that undermines your confidence in the process. For instance, you might go to a meeting expecting to deal with a particular item on the agenda. Out of the blue, someone such as your manager, asks you about something completely different, a topic that you haven't prepared for at all. Worse still it is one you know little about.
The strength of this emotion is strong.
Associated emotions: You feel as though you've been: attacked, cornered, deceived, duped, had, put on the spot, surprised, tricked or trapped.
Have you ever felt ambushed? Write in and tell me about it.
7. Laugh your socks off.
Thanks to Rachel's Reflections reader, Simon Kelly, for this joke.
Quasimodo was run down and his doctor ordered him to take a complete break from his job. But he felt that Notre Dame required its bells to be rung as usual, so that he shouldn't take leave until he found a suitable replacement bellringer. He advertised the temporary vacancy in Le Monde but there was only one applicant. It was a funny looking bloke who had no arms.
'This is crazy' said Quasi. 'You've got no arms. How do you expect to ring the bells?'
'I'll use my head,' said the little man and took a running leap at the nearest bell, scoring a direct hit and making quite an acceptable sound.
'Not too had at all,' said Quasi. 'Try the one on the left!'
The little man took another running leap, but his timing was out and he went over the parapet, falling 100 metres to the pavement below. Quasi limped his way down to the street. A gendarme was standing next to the shapeless remains.
'Do you know this man?' interrogated the policeman.
'Not really, but his face rings a bell.'
The next day another applicant appeared. Obviously he was the identical twin brother, also minus arms. Same deal. A demo of ringing the bells. Same outcome. Squished. Same gendanne standing over gruesome remains down on the footpath.
'Did you know this man?' asks the gendarme.
'No,' said Quasimodo, 'but he's a dead ringer for his brother.'
Send your clean jokes to
Spread a positive attitude and you'll help yourself and the world.
Until next fortnight,
With kindness,
Rachel.
How I can help you, now.
If you would like me to liven up your conference, event or function, I will. I deliver key-note addresses that will boost your communication, presentation skills, emotional intelligence or networking strategies. I am keen to make your conference a success. E-mail me or Genevieve, my Personal Assistant, on Or call +61 8 9390 1188, for fax +61 8 9390 1199
I also run regular public seminars that you can attend in Western Australia, to develop your communication, presentation skills, emotional intelligence or networking strategies. I pride myself on delivering top quality information in an easy-to learn fashion. To be automatically kept up-to-date on future courses please e-mail us at:
If you need to add polish to your organisation's communication, presentation, people mangement or emotional intelligence skills, I can help you by providing you with in-house, tailor-made training or one-on-one coaching. Ask me now!
Wanting to learn in your own time?
There are four CDs and a book to help you:
- "Happy not hassled: Manage your emotions, meditate and find contentment": 2 CD set, $45, no extra for postage.
- "How not to take things personally: Dealing positively with negativity": 2 CD set $45, no extra for postage.
- "Midlife and Happiness": A book to inspire anyone over 40. $34.95, no extra for postage.
- "How to be a winner at dinner: Chat and network with confidence": (presently on back order): 3 CD set and booklet, $75, no extra for postage.
- "Becoming a skilled communicator": 3 CD set, $60, no extra for postage.
If you order the whole 5 in one go - receive a bonus saving of 10%.
To order e-mail us now:
Make sure you read the next Rachel's Reflections:
 | Fabulous Friendships - and how to get them.
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| How to get on top of how you're feeling.
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| Buzzing with energy.
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| Stop procrastination - starting tomorrow!
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Disclaimer: The information in this newsletter is of a general nature and may not suit everyone or every situation. While every care has been taken to ensure it is useful and appropriate, no responsibility can be taken for the results gained from its implementation. Please seek individual professional guidance for any difficulties you may have in your communication, inter-personal or coping skills. Thank you.
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