Welcome to this 143rd edition of Rachel's Reflections, the number one Internet publication providing practical tips and cutting edge information on interpersonal skills, emotional intelligence and communication.
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In this edition:
- How to give yourself a confidence boost.
- Top tips on how to boost your confidence.
- Want to know more? Resources for you world-wide - many of them free.
- Rachel's Response: Dear Midlife Crisis.
- New! Fortnightly Feelings: Ecstatic
- Have a laugh.
Number 143 Confidence - How to get more of it.
18th August 2004
By Rachel Green
Confidence can be learnt. What we think, how we stand, what we do can all make a difference to our levels of confidence or nervousness. Feeling confident impacts on our performance at work, on our relationships, on our ability to gain friends. Having a confident sense of yourself when attending a job interveiw, dealing with a difficult person or presenting in front of an audience can help you succeed. Here are some tips on how to boost your confidence.
2. Top tips on giving yourself a confidence boost.
Tip A. Watch what you say to yourself.
What you say to yourself about yourself, the people around you or the situation you are in can boost or destroy your confidence. Be vigilant. Know what you are saying to yourself. If it isn't constructive, positive or helpful change it to something that is.
Tip B. Imagine yourself succeeding.
When you are about to do a difficult task what image do you have of yourself in your mind? Do you see yourself standing in front of an audience giving you a standing ovation and you swelling with success? Or do you hear the hostile questions and you breaking out in a sweat? Before you do a difficult assignment practise being confident. Don't rehearse the negatives in your mind. Rehearse the positives. See yourself doing well. Feel yourself doing well. Hear yourself doing well. You can practise confidence. Confidence is a skill that can be learnt. The choice is yours.
Tip C. Keep Breathing.
Breathing is such a simple thing, yet many of us distort our breathing when we are nervous. If you're sitting waiting for a job interview, put your hand on your belly and focus on the movement of your breath going in and out. Breathe slowly. Breathe deeply. Breathe regularly. Whatever you do keep breathing! I've seen people who are nervous at the start of a presentation take a deep breath in, then hold their breath. It will give you an adrenalin hit but that will halt your confidence. Keep breathing.
Tip D. Say positive comments to yourself and others after you've done something.
When you sit down after a presentation, put the phone down after a difficult customer, or leave a meeting, remind yourself of the things that you did well. Don't go through all the errors or difficulties - that's a way to make you more nervous next time. Instead remind yourself of the courage you had, the good answer you gave, your willingness to listen, the accurate information you had. Whatever it is, remind yourself of what you did well. Now that's confidence boosting!
3. What can you do next? Help for you world-wide
Happy not hassled: Using meditation to manage your emotions and find contentment.
On our two CD set Happy Not Hassled you will hear many tips on how to relax your mind and body, stay calm, de-stress and unwind. You'll also hear how to use meditation, and other methods, to manage your emotions, reduce anxiety and anger, and stop the little things getting to you. Get these CDs and feel more confident. AU$45.00 with no extra for postage, world-wide! Order now!
Midlife and Happiness
"Midlife And Happiness" contains the truth about 14 different people, their thoughts, feelings, problems and lives. It is essential reading for anyone aged 38 - 65 who wants to find more energy or balance, greater health and happiness, or a clearer sense of purpose or direction. Order now! Only AU$34.95, with no extra for postage, world-wide! I hope you'll read it.
Other free newsletters:
There are other useful newsletters to help you. They are on the
rachelgreen.com website for you to read or print off whenever
you wish. Click here to read them.
Tips
There are other useful tips to help you. They are on the
rachelgreen.com website for you to read or print off whenever
you wish. Click here to read them.
This fortnight's NEW! tips TALKING TO STAFF ABOUT ORGANISATIONAL CHANGE, by Rachel Green.
4. Rachel's Response.
Write us a letter! Gain some free advice. We require your real name but you will not be identified in the column.
Hello Rachel,
I am in midlife crisis and desperately need a life line to cling too. My days are dark and nights darker still. I work in a job where everyone depends on me to make them happy. I succeed yet I am the unhappiest of all and come home to "me " every night. It is hard for me to reach out for help as all my life I have been taught to be strong, don't be weak, don't ask for help. I am worn out trying to be strong.
Midlife Crisis of Melbourne.
Dear Midlife Crisis,
It sounds like life is really tough for you at the moment. Please get help. Getting help has nothing to do with weakness but everything to do with strength. Strong people, such as yourself, seek help because they know that is what they need. I suggested to someone today that she seek help and support and I was saddened by her response. "I'm a big girl now", she said, "I don't need help". Being a big girl is not about having to cope on your own, being a strong person is not about having no problems. Being tough doesn't mean you don't need to get support from people. Getting support is what grown-up people do. Trying to be invincible or superman or superwoman is not being strong. Please get support. There is no need to feel embarrassed. No need to feel you have failed. Instead be proud of yourself for having the guts to seek help. Admire yourself for your honesty. Many pretend or deny or dilute what is happening to them. Facing the truth is an important part of the journey through the darkness.
There are many avenues of help available. You may start by talking anonymously to someone on one of the help lines. Their job is to talk to people who are depressed and struggling. One of the several crisis lines available in Australia is Lifeline, their number is 13 11 14. There are more listed in the phone books (at the front).
There are many other avenues for help too, a counsellor, psychologist, medical practitioner, psychiatrist, priest or whomever is suitable for you.
You'll go to a doctor for a broken leg or to get anti-depressants, why not a counsellor when your emotions need some help? I hope you'll seek their input and support. My website has lots more information on midlife and emotions such as anxiety, and there are previous newsletters also on the website. You might like to take a look and get a lot more information there.
Also there are many inspiring stories in my book, Midlife and Happiness, showing that it is indeed possible to come out on the other side of darkness and all the better for the journey. It is a good read and it will help you know you are not alone.
Take care of yourself. You deserve it and so do the people who love and work with you.
With kindness,
Rachel.
5. Fortnightly Feelings.
How many feeling words do you have in your vocabulary? Each fortnight we will include a feeling word for you to try out over the next fortnight. Send in your own words and phrases too that we can include in the list.
Today's word is:
Ecstatic.
This is a feeling I am sure you experience regularly on a Monday morning as you get out of bed to go to work! If you do, tell me how you do it! Most of us only feel ecstatic when we've won lotto, the one we love proposes to us, we get a promotion we never thought was possible, or we have achieved something we've been working towards for a long time such as climbing a mountain, jumping out of an aeroplane or winning a sporting achievement. Watch out for the winning athletes at the Olympic Games who feel ecstatic. Emotions come in many different strengths, this one is a strong one. Can you tell the difference between being ecstatic, happy and pleased? Ecstatic is when you are drug free and feel on an absolute high, or you're over the moon, or thrilled to bits. Look out for feeling ecstatic and tell me what happened to make you feel so good!
6. Have a laugh
Thanks to Rachel's Reflections reader, Pat from Department of Education and Training.
"After 17 years of marriage, a man dumped his wife for his young secretary. His new girlfriend demanded that she wanted to live in the couple's multi-million dollar home, and since the man's lawyers were a little better, he prevailed. He gave his now ex-wife just 3 days to move out.
She spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases. On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things. On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room table by candlelight, put on some soft background music, and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar, and a bottle of Chardonnay. When she had finished, she went into each and every room and deposited a few half-eaten shrimp shells, dipped in caviar, into the hollow of the curtain rods. She then cleaned up the kitchen and left.
When the husband returned with his new girlfriend, all was bliss for the first few days. Then slowly, the house began to smell. They tried everything; cleaning & mopping and airing the place out. Vents were checked for dead rodents, and carpets were steam cleaned. Air fresheners were hung everywhere. Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which they had to move out for a few days, and in the end they even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting.
Nothing worked. People stopped coming over to visit. Repairmen refused to work in the house. The maid quit. Finally, they could not take the stench any longer and decided to move. A month later, even though they had cut their price in half, they could not find a buyer for their stinky house. Word got out, and eventually, even the local realtors refused to return their calls. Finally, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place.
The ex-wife called the man, and asked how things were going. He told her the saga of the rotting house. She listened politely, and said that she missed her old home terribly, and would be willing to reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for getting the house back. Knowing his ex-wife had no idea how bad the smell was, he agreed on a price that was about 1/10th of what the house had been worth... But only if she were to sign the papers that very day. She agreed, and within the hour, his lawyers delivered the paperwork. A week later, the man and his new girlfriend stood smirking as they watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home ... including the curtain rods.
May you feel good about yourself and know what a valuable person you are.
Until next fortnight,
With kindness,
Rachel.
Getting in touch
If you would like me to speak to your group or organisation to help you boost your communication, presentation skills, emotional intelligence or networking strategies, please contact me on +61 8 9390 1188, fax +61 8 9390 1199 or
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Disclaimer: The information in this newsletter is of a general nature and may not suit everyone or every situation. While every care has been taken to ensure it is useful and appropriate, no responsibility can be taken for the results gained from its implementation. Please seek individual professional guidance for any difficulties you may have in your communication, inter-personal or coping skills. Thank you.
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