Welcome to this 145th edition of Rachel's Reflections, the number one Internet publication providing you with practical, dynamic help in developing your emotional intelligence and communication skills.
In this edition:
- Why fabulous friendships are vital.
- Latest news: Record sales achieved after attending an EI course.
- Top tips on building fabulous friendships.
- How you can learn more at home or work, immediately. Bonus Free Book to give to a friend with every book ordered.
- Your problems answered: Avoid personality clashes.
- Fortnightly Feelings: I was torn.
- Laugh your socks off.
1. Why fabulous friendships are good for us.
People talk to me about the troubles they have with their friends. Others tell me they're happy on their own and don't really need friends. And recently someone told me, she prefers her pet dog to a human because it doesn't answer back!
So why bother to have friends? Because human beings deep down are social animals. We can be nurtured through our contact with other people. Friends can help us in times of difficulty. Friends can help us to have a sense of belonging, of connection, of meaning and purpose in our lives. Research has shown that those with a good social network can live longer than those without one. They bring a depth to our lives that would be missing without them. So put the time in to making fabulous friends, they could be good for you.
2. Latest news: Salesman nets $60,000 extra sales after attending EI 1.
Jon Dunkley, State Manager for Carpet Call, WA booked into our latest emotional intelligence seminar series and came along to the first one, Mastering EI. In it he learnt about emotional recognition, emotional expression and all the different levels of Emotional Intelligence. So what, you might say? Well read on and see what he said ...
"I have to tell you - I've just had record sales. Just ONE WEEK after doing your first Emotional Intelligence course I sold $60,000 more in a week than I ever have. The $1375 I spent on the series has already been absolutely worth it and this is only week one. This is a great result! I got these results because I applied what I learnt in the EI course to managing my customers. I paid more attention to people's emotions and I managed my own emotions better. What a difference it made. I am thrilled! Thank you."
You too could learn the same skills that Jon did by coming along to the next EI series, it starts on Friday 22nd October 2004. Book into the whole series of 5 seminars by 24th September for only $1275 or just do EI 1 for $295 on 22nd October 2004:
3. Top tips on building fabulous friendships.
Tip A. Know what kind of friends you want.
Write down exactly the type of friends you want. Be really clear as to what kind of specific characteristics you'd most value in a friend. It could include their values, their behaviour, their interests and hobbies, their age, gender, racial origins, religion ... anything. Then remind yourself of this on a regular basis. This will help you attract the people to you and to seek out the places where such people meet and can be found. I describe how I did this in the book, "Midlife and Happiness" if you want an example.
Tip B. Show them you are interested.
When mixing with people show an interest in them and be willing to help other people get to know you. Don't give out the "I'm desperate for friends" vibes. Instead, be with people with a genuine interest in wanting to be with them and joining in with a full heart.
Tip C. Have different friends for different needs.
Don't expect a friend to want to do everything with you, or to have lots in common. Instead, be content with friends who may have only 1 or 2 interests in common with you and build your relationships around these interests. If you find some people who share more than one area of interest, then that's a bonus.
Tip D. Look after yourself.
Develop yourself as a person. Make your personality even more attractive. Learn to make interesting conversations. Look after yourself. Be interesting. Find energy. Eat well. Be healthy. All of these features may help you attract people to you. Be the type of person people want to make friends with.
4. How you can learn more at home or work, immediately.
Midlife and Happiness
Midlife and Happiness is a book full of stories about people. It includes a chapter where I describe my desire to build a stronger sense of community and friendship and how I successfully went about that. Another chapter tells of friends helping each other. There is so much in this book that it's hard to do it justice here. However in the spirit of friendship, I offer you a special friendship gift, in this newsletter only.
If you buy one now we will send you a second one absolutely FREE to give as a gift to a friend. Yes, free and completely on us. Get your free book now. Order now! Only AU$34.95, with no extra for postage, world-wide! Hurry, offer ends 22nd September 2004.
Other free newsletters:
There are other newsletters bursting with practical tips on the rachelgreen.com website for you to read or print off whenever you wish. Click here to read them.
Tips
Benefit from other useful tips on the rachelgreen.com website. Topics range from how to talk to teenagers or elderly parents to boosting your bones, body language and developing your emotional intelligence. Click here to read them.
5. Your problems answered.
Each fortnight I select one letter we have been sent requesting advice and reply to it. Write us a letter. Gain some free advice. Get your problems answered, now. (You will not be identified).
Dear Rachel,
After reading your website yesterday I was talking to my fiancé and I was saying how I prattle just to make conversation. He is a quiet person and only talks when he is being spoken to. I commented to him that because he does not instigate conversation that I inevitably end up prattling, with him offering the odd "yes" or "no". I was saying how when I talk to him like this, he is looking all over the place, and is sending me a signal that he's not interested. I asked him how I make him feel when I am prattling and he said that it makes him want to BOLT. I could have cried. I was so thankful for him being honest but I was deeply hurt because I make someone feel this way and especially the person I love the most. Could you please help me have a better relationship.
Personality Clash of Swanbourne.
Dear Personality Clash,
Imagine this. Two people are in love. One longs to talk as a way to connect. The other longs for silence. They are different in a big way. One is an Extravert and the other is an Introvert. The Extravert likes to think things through out loud, to get stimulation from others, to be active with what is going on around them. The Introvert in contrast likes to think things through inside his or her head in quiet reflection, and thinks that talk is cheap. This, I suspect applies to you. Is there any hope for an Introvert and Extravert when they live together?
Yes, providing they fully understand their personality differences and both are willing to bridge and accept the differences between them.
My husband and I have worked through similar issues. After we were married we went and learnt about the 16 different personality types on the Myers Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI). It was an absolute revelation. It explained so much that we'd never understood before and what had previously been irritating became fascinating. Our tolerance levels soared. It has made a huge difference to our relationship and our only regret is that we didn't know about it when we first married. Introversion and Extraversion are two of the types we learnt about. You also have the chance to learn as much as possible about your differences. Come long to our next course Personalities Talking! How to understand yourself and others, and talk to difficult personalities easily on Thursday, 7th October 2004. In just one day you will find the information you need to revolutionise your relationship and build bridges across your differences. The Introvert, your fiance, needs to learn how to meet your communication needs by talking more and engaging with your need to connect. And you need to talk less at key times when he needs peace and quiet and to give him his own space. This course will show you how. The more he talks the less your need to prattle; the more space he gets the more he may be willing to talk. "Yes" and "No" are not a conversation and neither is prattle. Conversation is a two way exchange of roughly equal amounts. A lack of communication is the commonest cause of relationship breakdown so it is important that you deal with this issue early.
In addition to your personality differences you also have a gender one. Although it's a stereotype, men and women generally talk for very different reasons. Why do most men talk? They often talk to exchange information of a factual nature. "No new information, no need to talk", some men might say. Women in complete contrast talk to connect. Through talking and sharing they feel close to another person. Talking bonds a relationship for them. They talk to feel close. You both need to understand and adapt to these differences.
Relationships take work. Don't believe the "happy-ever-after" myth. A relationship gives you the most amazing opportunity for growth and fulfillment. To get there time and dedication needs to be put into developing your communication. Go for it! And enjoy each other's company more. And please do come to the course - it could change your lives.
With kindness and encouragement,
Rachel.
6. Check your Fortnightly Feelings: I was torn.
How many feeling words do you have in your vocabulary? You need the language of emotions to understand and think about emotions and to communicate clearly. Each fortnight I will include a feeling word for you to try out over the next fortnight. Also, if you have an example of when you've felt like this, please send it to me. I'm collecting examples to go in a dictionary of feeling words I'm writing. If you get included you get a free copy of the dictionary.
Today's word is: Torn.
"Torn" is a feeling that can occur as a result of other emotions which make you feel pulled in two different directions at the same time. For example, you might feel overwhelmed by your workload and want to stay home and relax, but feel guilty about not visiting your mother. And so you feel torn between the two. It's not a very comfortable emotion. Sometimes we can feel so confused or uncertain about which direction to head in, we do nothing. Feeling torn can paralyse us and make it hard to make a decision. We neither relax at home nor visit our mothers; or we visit our mothers but resent it. Torn is a complex emotion!
The strength of the emotion is: Medium.
However the strength can vary according to the importance of the underlying issues we are torn between.
Associated emotions: Confused, paralysed, uncertain, wretched, pulled in two directions at once, ripped apart, broken-up.
7. Laugh your socks off.
Thanks to Rachel's Reflections reader, Pat Rockliff, from the Department of Education and Training, for this joke. She has a great collection!
A company, feeling it was time for a shake-up, hires a new MD. This new boss is determined to rid the company of all slackers. On a tour of the facilities, the MD notices a guy leaning on a wall. The room is full of workers and he thinks this is his chance to show everyone he means business! The MD walks up to the guy and asks, "And what is your monthly salary?" The young fellow looks at him with a puzzled face and replies, "I earn $2000 per month. Why Sir?" The MD pulls out his wallet and then hands the guy $6000 in cash and screams, "I pay my employees to work, not stand around. Here's three months' pay, now GET OUT and don't come back!" The young fellow stuffs the money in his pocket and bolts out at great speed. Feeling pretty good about his first firing, the MD looks around the room at the shocked expression on everyone's face and barks, "Can someone tell me what that slacker did here?" With a sheepish grin, one of the workers mutters, "He's the pizza delivery guy!"
Send your clean jokes to
And if you circulate this joke to friends please say you got it from Rachel's Reflections newsletter on www.rachelgreen.com and encourage them to subscribe. Then they can get their free E-report, "7 easy ways to improve your relationships."
May your friendships be fabulous.
Until next fortnight,
With kindness,
Rachel.
More ways to boost your skills, now.
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Make sure you read the next Rachel's Reflections:
 | Presentation Skills with Pizzazz
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| Buzzing with energy.
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| Stop procrastination - starting tomorrow!
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Disclaimer: The information in this newsletter is of a general nature and may not suit everyone or every situation. While every care has been taken to ensure it is useful and appropriate, no responsibility can be taken for the results gained from its implementation. Please seek individual professional guidance for any difficulties you may have in your communication, inter-personal or people skills. Thank you.
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