Welcome to this 156th edition of Rachel's Reflections, the number one Internet publication providing you with practical, dynamic help to develop your emotional intelligence and communication skills.
Written and published by Rachel Green.
Visit our website at http://www.rachelgreen.com
In this edition:
- Happiness is in the ordinary.
- Latest news: E-book on presentation skills coming soon.
- Top tips on how to be happy without spending any money.
- How you can learn more at home or work, immediately.
- Fortnightly Feelings: "I was thrilled-to-bits".
- Laugh your socks off.
(The section "Your problems answered" has been discontinued as we have no more letters to answer.)
1. Happiness is in the ordinary.
We all want to be happy, don't we? That's what drives us to go out and seek entertainment, have exciting holidays overseas, buy a new dress or go to a winning match of our footy team. One guy said to me recently he could only be happy once he'd got a new car. "Why do you need a new car?" I asked. "Because I'm bored with the other one" he said. He thought a new car would make him happy. I expect his happiness will be short-lived though and boredom will soon set in again. Why do we think we'll be happy once we've done these things and spent money? Surely there are ways to be happy which cost us nothing, aren't there? Yes. Read on to find out what some of them are.
2. Latest news: E-books on presentation skills.
I bought 2 E-books on the net last week and was thrilled to be able to get the information I wanted so quickly. I saw it, paid for it and received it all in minutes. No waiting for the post to deliver it. As many of you, our readers, are in countries outside Australia, such as Canada, UK and the USA, I thought we should publish E-books too. Then you can have the book as soon as you want it. So we've already started our first one. It will be on presentation skills - lots and lots of tips to make your presentations interesting and successful. I thought it would be useful for you too, if I did E-books on our courses so if you can't get to them you can still get all the ideas and material. We don't have a publication date but the first 40 pages are done, so keep an eye out in the next newsletters for more details. In the meantime if you're wanting to hear the tips first-hand and to learn how to be confident and give interesting presentations come along to "Polish up your presentation skills: How to be convincing, captivating and in control" on Wednesday, 18th May 2005, $295.00. Click here to book.
No need to be nervous or boring any more!
3. Top tips on how to be happy without spending any money.
Tip A. Express gratitude.
When you get out of bed in the morning notice 5 things in your life that are good to have and focus on these. Say thank you. Express appreciation. So often we spend our lives focusing on the things we don't have or on the things that annoy us in other people, or on the things that have gone wrong. Happiness does not arise by doing that. Happiness is not in the negatives. As I look around now I can see much to be grateful for. I have a home to live in. I have a roof over my head. I have a robin on the garden fence. The sun is shining. I am alive. I have clothes to wear. I am warm. I have a husband who gives me hugs. I have chocolates in the fridge! All simple things. But there are people in the world who don't have these things. When we take them for granted we are reducing our chances of being happy. Express gratitude for what you have.
Tip B. Remember the times you are happy.
When you do feel happy and relaxed take the time to deliberately commit these experiences to memory. Notice all the details. How you were feeling. Your posture. Your gestures. Your facial expressions. What you were wearing. Where you were. What you were doing. The colours, sights and sounds in your environment. Who you were with. Remember everything about them. Commit them to memory. Then replay these images often. Happiness is already inside you, bring it to mind. What we focus on in our minds can produce happiness or depression. Imagine if you kept focussing on an image of tragedy or sadness. It wouldn't lead you to happiness, would it? So focus on the good times.
Tip C. Delight in the beauty of nature.
I can sit for hours in the garden and find pleasure in the birds having a bird bath, in watching a butterfly on a flower, in watching the clouds pass by. And it's free! Often we are in too much of a rush to appreciate these things, in fact so much of a rush we may not even notice them. No birds in your garden? Make yourself a simple bird bath. The birds will probably arrive. Not got a garden? Well, take yourself off to the local park or botanic garden. It will mean stopping and getting out of the car and staying long enough for you to enjoy it. It may even take a while to get used to if you're usually rushing and very busy, but give yourself the time to enjoy the ordinary every day things around you. Happiness is in the ordinary.
Tip D. Help someone - be generous.
I'm fascinated by how much happiness can arise by helping someone else or by being generous. It's easy to think that it's the person receiving the gift or kindness who benefits, but really giving from the heart can make the giver happy too. It's very easy to be mean in our society, to just look after ourselves, to not share our good fortunes, to be in competition with others. But since when has being mean or cutting down the opposition brought lasting happiness? Happiness is far more likely to occur when you are full of kindness or being generous. I gave a friend a small gift last night. She glowed. I glowed. Mutual happiness. Had the gift cost me money? No - I gave her a lovely gift that I'd been given but didn't need. I told her that this was the case. We both still glowed. It was the giving and sharing that caused the happiness not the cost of the gift. Try it.
4. How you can learn more at home or work, immediately.
Midlife and Happiness
Finding happiness difficult to discover or keep? Then read the stories of the 7 men and 7 women in "Midlife and Happiness" and how they overcame changes and obstacles in their lives to be happy. There are 7 chapters on my life too, covering my journey through panic attacks, illness, workaholism, the death of my father and more, to become the happiest I have ever been. It is great reading for anyone aged 35 - 65 who wants to find more energy and happiness, or a clearer sense of purpose or direction. Order now! Only $34.95, with no extra for postage, world-wide! I hope you'll read it.
BONUS OFFER - To help you practise generosity, if you purchase "Midlife and Happiness" we'll send you a second one completely free to give to a friend. Hurry and order now, as this offer closes on 21st April 2005. Order now!
Other free newsletters:
There are other newsletters bursting with practical tips on the rachelgreen.com website for you to read or print off whenever you wish. Click here to read them.
Tips
Benefit from other useful tips on the rachelgreen.com website. Topics range from how to talk to teenagers or elderly parents to personality types, body language and developing your emotional intelligence. Click here to read them.
5. Check your Fortnightly Feelings: Thrilled to bits.
How many feeling words do you have in your vocabulary? You need the language of emotions to understand and think about emotions and to communicate clearly. Each fortnight I will include a feeling word for you to try out over the next fortnight. Also if you have an example of when you've felt like this – please send it to me. I'm collecting examples to go in a dictionary of feeling words I'm writing. If you get included you get a free copy of the dictionary.
Today's phrase is thrilled-to-bits.
I've always been on edge going to the dentist and I tense up when it's time for the needle or they want to clean and polish my teeth as it sets off my sensitive gums. Also, my previous dentist had retired and he'd been very good and I hadn't yet found a new dentist I liked or who helped me settle in the chair. Consequently I hadn't been to the dentist for two years but I kept getting a slight ache in my upper back molar. I finally plucked up the courage to call one I'd seen advertised in our district. I didn't know what to expect. I arrived. I went in. He looked at all my teeth. He recorded all the information on his computer. He blew air into each tooth to find the holes. And then at the end of it he said "Your teeth are so good, I don't even need to clean them". I was thrilled-to-bits and went of dancing in the streets!
The strength of the emotion: Strong!
Associated emotions: Delighted, "pleased as punch", over-the-moon, ecstatic, stoked, excited, charged, enchanted, cock-a-hoop, elated, jubilant, overjoyed, euphoric, "on a high".
6. Laugh your socks off.
Thanks to Rachel's Reflections reader, Eileen Renton, for this joke.
"The best example of the difference between involvement and commitment is
egg and bacon for breakfast.
The hen's involved but the pig's committed."
If you have some clean jokes we can use, please send your contributions to
May you be happy and celebrate the good things in your life.
Until next fortnight,
With kindness,
Rachel.
How I can help you, now.
If you would like to have a conference, event or function with an energetic and entertaining speech, to boost your communication, presentation skills, emotional intelligence or networking strategies, I can do this for you. E-mail me or Genevieve, my Personal Assistant, on or call +61 8 9390 1188, or fax +61 8 9390 1199.
You can also attend regular public seminars in Western Australia, to develop your communication, presentation skills, emotional intelligence or networking strategies. You are guaranteed to get top quality information in an easy-to learn fashion that you can apply immediately at work or home. To be automatically kept up-to-date on future courses please e-mail us at: . You receive the course information first on this list.
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Wanting to learn in your own time?
There are four CDs and a book to help you:
- "Happy not hassled: Manage your emotions, meditate and find contentment": 2 CD set, only $45.
- "How not to take things personally: Dealing positively with negativity": 2 CD set only $45.
- "Midlife and Happiness": A book to inspire anyone over 40. Only $34.95.
- "How to be a winner at dinner: Chat and network with confidence": 3 CD set and booklet, only $75.
- "Becoming a skilled communicator": 3 CD set, only $60.
Order all 5 in one go and you will receive a bonus saving of 10%.
To order e-mail us now:
Make sure you read the next Rachel's Reflections:
 | We are all human beings - a case for tolerance.
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Disclaimer: The information in this newsletter is of a general nature and may not suit everyone or every situation. While every care has been taken to ensure it is useful and appropriate, no responsibility can be taken for the results gained from its implementation. Please seek individual professional guidance for any difficulties you may have in your communication, inter-personal or people skills. Thank you.
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