Welcome to this 168th edition of Rachel's Reflections, the number one Internet publication providing you with practical, dynamic help to develop your emotional intelligence and communication skills.
Written and published by Rachel Green.
Visit our website at http://www.rachelgreen.com
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In this edition:
- Public speaking made easy.
- Latest news: Oil prices could be a good thing.
- Top tips on how to speak in public.
- How you can learn more at home or work, immediately.
- Fortnightly Feelings: "I felt exposed."
- Laugh your socks off.
1. Public speaking made easy.
I've just been to a music festival over the long weekend and watched some superb performances and some not-so good ones. What fascinated me was not the standard of musicianship, as that ranged from high to stunning. Rather it was the quality of speaking to and relating to the audience that varied dramatically both amongst the performers themselves and the masters of ceremony. Yet by following some simple guidelines, speaking in public can be much easier than most people think. How? Read on to the tips section.
2. Latest news: Higher oil prices could be a good thing.
The devastation in New Orleans is frightening. And I am left in no doubt that it is due to global warming. And that this is a sign of things to come. And it is time to be alarmed. Fear is an emotion that will motivate people to change, complacency doesn't do that. But what do we do? Well one thing we can do is to use our cars less and go on public transport. Another is to drive shorter distances - go to the restaurant near you rather than the one on the other side of town. And thirdly use a smaller car that runs on less petrol. On Monday I was out in my (small) car and stopped at traffic lights. There were 14 vehicles in the 2 lanes. And eleven of them were large 4 wheel drives. Do people really need such big cars? Most of the time - no. Most only had 1 or 2 people in and the vehicles were sparkling clean as if they'd only been on the main road. Can the environment sustain such usage? No. We must do our bit now to reduce global warming or global warming will reduce us. We are looking to see what we can do in our office. Any ideas are welcome. One is to use less paper, another is to help people keep travel down. We already hold our courses in a function room next to the central rail and bus stations to encourage our participants to use public transport, and we provide e-mail and phone coaching. Next we are going to explore the possibility of putting one of our courses on-line and also to explore our options in offering a tele-seminar. This means you won't have to leave your homes or offices to be a part of it. And we are continuing to work on our 3 E-books as no transport is needed for them. In fact, the "Public speaking made easy" E-book is growing rapidly - I'm trying to fit in as much as possible. If there are any specific questions you want answered in it - let me know - I'll be happy to answer them when possible. E-mail me at . Finally I am thinking about putting course handouts on our website in a "special only for participants" section, rather than printing them off and giving them out in courses. Would this work? What do you think. It would certainly save trees. May we all do as much as we can to stop global warming - it is one of the biggest threats to our security and lives.
3. Top tips on how to make public speaking easy.
Tip A. Your audience is more important than you are.
When you feel nervous presenting in public, check to see where your focus of attention is. Is it on yourself or on your audience? The more you focus on yourself the more your nerves may increase, or the more irritated the audience may become. The more you focus on the audience the more successful you are likely to be. For example, some of the musicians at the festival explained their songs by making references to themselves, such as, "I first performed this song at ..." or "I like this song because ...". Do you think this is really what the audience is most interested in? No. They responded far more favourably to the presenters who told a funny story about their songs, who told a funny story that related to the music, or who commented in some way on the audiences' experience in life. Everything you do when giving a speech, when being a master of ceremony or when performing music, is for the audience. It is not for you.
Tip B. Choose what the audience needs.
Do not pick out the content of your speech because you want to show how much you know, or to show you know everything about the topic. This can result in your including too much information and boring the audience. Instead choose the information that your audience most needs to know and hear. And if you're performing music don't choose the most difficult pieces because you want to show how clever you are. Choose the pieces the audience will most enjoy.
Tip C. Engage with your audience.
Singers who shut their eyes when singing are cutting out their audiences and are getting lost in themselves. Speakers who look at the back wall and who try to get through their content as quickly as possible to get it over with are cutting out their audiences. Instead engage your audience. Have eye contact with individual people in the audience. Talk with them not at them. Throw them questions to stimulate their thinking. Let them be involved in some way. Respond to their feedback - whether verbal or non-verbal. Engage your audience just as you'd engage someone if you were talking to them over lunch.
Tip D. Talk individually.
There was a master of ceremony who almost shouted at us at the festival. There's no need to do that. Talk normally to us, as you would one-on-one. If you have a microphone let it do the work for you. The audience does not exist as a set of "group" ears. Rather an audience of 40 consists of 40 individual people, each with their own pair of ears. Consequently talk conversationally, personally and individually to them. Then they're more likely to want to listen.
Tip E. Go with the flow.
Trying to rigidly control everything that happens when you are speaking in public can leave presenters very up tight and anxious. Instead be flexible. Go with whatever happens. At this festival, for example, there were problems with a microphone that kept drooping. Having tried numerous times to stop it one of the singers finally decided to follow the microphone all the way down, until by the end of the song, he was down on his knees - but he never missed a beat. And the audience loved it. It's one of the funniest presentations I have ever seen and people were laughing so hard their ribs were aching. He stole the show. Why? Not because he'd prepared a word perfect speech but because he was prepared to incorporate whatever happened into his presentation! Go with the flow.
4. How you can learn more at home or work, immediately.
Happy not hassled: Using meditation to manage your emotions and find contentment.
If you get up tight speaking in public, this two CD set gives you many tips on how to relax your mind and body, stay calm, de-stress and unwind. Get these 2 CDs and reduce your anxiety. AU$45.00 with no extra for postage, world-wide. Order now!
BONUS OFFER - If you purchase a "Happy Not Hassled" CD set you'll get a second one completely free to give to a friend. Hurry and order now, as this offer closes on Wednesday 5th October 2005.
Other free newsletters:
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Tips
Benefit from other useful tips on the rachelgreen.com website. Topics range from how to talk to teenagers or elderly parents to personality types, body language, midlife and developing your emotional intelligence. Click here to read them.
NEW! Over-eating: Twelve tips on avoiding over-eating by Rachel Green.
5. Check your Fortnightly Feelings: "I felt exposed".
How many feeling words do you have in your vocabulary? You need the language of emotions to understand and think about emotions and to communicate clearly. Send us your stories of feelings you've experienced. If your story is chosen for the newsletter you'll receive a free copy of our E-book feelings dictionary once it is published.
Today's word is exposed.
"I am new to public speaking and had been asked to talk for 15 minutes at a local community group on my experiences in bringing up 2 small children on my own. The audience was very attentive, asked me lots of questions and gave me gratifying feedback. I was surprised therefore when I got home to find how vulnerable I felt. On reflection I had told the group a lot of personal information about myself, why I was a single mum, and the problems that I'd had to tackle on the way. I'm not used to being so open about myself or my family, neither to my own family nor friends nor to strangers. Yet here I was opening my heart to people I didn't know. And now I was unsure what they were going to do with this information. Did they like me? Did they think I was a wuss? Where they put-off by what I said? Did they want to speak to me again? Did they think I was weird. As I relived it, I realised I was full of self-doubt and felt vulnerable and exposed.
The strength of the emotion: This is a strong, uncomfortable emotion, which in some situations can lead people to avoid doing certain activities.
Associated emotions: Vulnerable, seen-through, naked, bare, uncovered, unprotected, as though I was on display, defenceless, sensitive.
6. Laugh your socks off.
Thanks to Keith Nightingale for this joke.
A woman stopped by unannounced at her recently married son's house. She rang the doorbell and walked in. She was shocked to see her daughter-in-law lying on the couch, totally naked. Soft music was playing, and the aroma of perfume filled the room.
"What are you doing?" she asked.
"I'm waiting for my husband to come home from work," the daughter-in-law answered.
"But you're naked!" the mother-in-law exclaimed.
This is my love dress," the daughter-in-law explained.
"Love dress? But you're naked!"
"My husband loves me to wear this dress," she explained. "It excites him no end! Every time he sees me in this dress, he instantly becomes romantic and ravages me for hours on end. He can't get enough of me."
The mother-in-law left. When she got home, she undressed, showered, put on her best perfume, dimmed the lights, put on a romantic CD, and lay on the couch waiting for her husband to arrive.
Finally her husband came home. He walked in and saw her lying
there provocatively. "What are you doing?" he asked.
"This is my love dress," she whispered, sensually.
"Needs ironing," he said. "What's for dinner?"
His FUNERAL will be held Thursday...
If you have some clean jokes we can use, please send your contributions to
May you find speaking in public enjoyable for you and your audience.
Until next fortnight,
With kindness,
Rachel.
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Make sure you read the next Rachel's Reflections:
 | How to relate to manipulative mothers-in-law.
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Disclaimer: The information in this newsletter is of a general nature and may not suit everyone or every situation. While every care has been taken to ensure it is useful and appropriate, no responsibility can be taken for the results gained from its implementation. Please seek individual professional guidance for any difficulties you may have in your communication, inter-personal or people skills. Thank you.
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