CONFIDENCE 4 U

Sarcasm: How to deal with it easily, by Rachel Green.

09-Nov-2005, Number 171

Welcome to this 171st edition of Rachel's Reflections, the number one Internet publication providing you with practical, dynamic help to develop your emotional intelligence and communication skills.
Written and published by Rachel Green.
Visit our website at http://www.rachelgreen.com
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In this edition:

1. Sarcasm: How to deal with it easily.
   
2. Latest news: 3 New E-books including "What to do when women cry".
3. Top tips on how to deal with sarcasm easily.
4. How you can learn more at home or work, immediately: Buy one CD, get 1 FREE.
5. Fortnightly Feelings: "I felt determined".
6. Laugh your socks off.
   

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1. Sarcasm.

Sarcasm is a way of life to some people, and rests very uncomfortably with others. When you meet someone who is sarcastic and you're not it can be difficult to know how to deal with it. Don't be thrown by it. Don't be hurt by it. Deal with it easily. Read the tips sections to find out how.

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2. Latest news: "Why do women cry and what to do when they do. A manual for men."

There will be at least, 3 NEW E-books on the website soon. The topics are all new. One whole series is for men - to help them understand and get on better with women. So many times men have said to me, "What am I supposed to do when women cry on me?" So the first E-book is about that. If you have any questions you want answered about crying please send them in and I'll include them, where possible. It's very nearly finished but I'd be delighted to include stories from you, whether you are a man or woman, about crying. What are your thoughts on women crying at work or home? What is the worst thing a man has said to you when you were crying? In what situations have you had women cry on you? What works? What doesn't? If your story or question gets included you'll get a free copy of the E-book. Hurry and send us your contributions - as it will be finished within the next fortnight. Our web master is arranging secure banking through the website now and once that's done - we'll be ready to launch the first of the new series.

The other 2 in the men's series are: "Understanding Women's Logic - A manual for men"; and "What to do when you're given the silent treatment".

Watch this space in future newsletters for more details of these and other E-books. Also, if you have any topics you'd like covered - please let us know.

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3. Top tips on how to deal with sarcasm easily.

Tip A. Know what type of sarcasm it is.

Sarcasm can come in more than one form. The two main types, in my experience, are firstly the sarcastic comment that is meant to hurt or get at you; and secondly, the comment that is meant to be funny. Make sure you know the difference because your response to them may need to differ. Sometimes when people don't separate out the two they take all sarcastic comments as attempts to hurt them and this is more painful and upsetting than it needs to be. Know the type of sarcasm you are dealing with.

Tip B. Understand gender differences in sarcasm.

The use of sarcasm by men and women may differ. Although talking of male and female communication differences means that I'm using stereotypes, sometimes these can be useful. My observations of some Australian men, is that sarcasm is used as a kind of jokey, blokes, mateship bonding kind of communication. The better the sarcastic retort the more the laughter and the more the men involved are likely to be getting on. (For those of you in Australia just watch Channel Nine's Footy Show for examples of this). Australian women, in contrast, are less likely to use sarcasm, but when they do they may be more likely to use it to put people down and mean it! If you're a woman make sure that you don't take a sarcastic comment from a man as a put-down when it was meant to be funny. If you'd like to learn more about how not to be hurt by sarcasm come along to our featured course of the fortnight "How to keep your cool - even with angry or irritating people". Click here to book in.

Tip C. Give as good as you get.

Some sarcastic comments (especially those that are intended to be funny) can be hilarious. Laugh rather than being hurt. Laughter may defuse the situation and make the other person think you are a good sport and not "over sensitive". This can gain you great respect with those who like sarcasm. Giving an equally quick witted response back may also bring admiration from the person who made the first sarcastic comment. (Now you might find this distasteful or pathetic. Certainly sarcasm is not the greatest form of wit nor the most skilled form of communication. It is common, though, and just judging it as pathetic doesn't necessarily help you manage it.)

Tip D. Agree.

What? Agree with the sarcastic comment? Yes, sometimes this can take all the energy away from it so it doesn't go any further. For example, I recently left a couple of items in a friend's car. I realised I'd lost one item and called my friend to determine if I'd left it in his car, and found I had. Shortly after that, a second item of mine was found, by the same person. You can imagine the sarcastic comments this provoked, all about keeping an eye on my head so I don't lose it, or "Watch out she doesn't leave anything in your car". It seemed to me that the easiest response to these was "Yes! I'll keep a look out in case I leave my head behind" or, "He's right I can leave anything behind". Ho hum! Sarcasm can be completely overdone and completely boring – so agreeing may help reduce it. We can but hope.

4. How you can learn more at home or work, immediately.

How not to take things personally: Dealing positively with negativity."
Let snide comments, sarcasm, angry outbursts and irritating people wash over you like water off a duck's back. Learn how to keep calm, not take things to heart and know what to say when people are negative or nasty. Don't let people get to you. Get the 2 CD set now! AU$45.00, with no extra for postage, world-wide. Start your Xmas shopping now.

BONUS OFFER - If you purchase "How not to take things personally" you'll get a second one completely free to give to a friend this Christmas. Hurry and order now, as this offer closes on Tuesday, 15th November 2005.

Other free newsletters:

There are now over 170 newsletters bursting with practical tips on the rachelgreen.com website for you to read or print off whenever you wish. Click here to read them.

Tips

Benefit from other useful tips on the rachelgreen.com website. Topics range from how to talk to teenagers or elderly parents to personality types, body language, midlife and developing your emotional intelligence. Click here to read them.
NEW! If you'd like more tips on how to deal with sarcasm, there are more for you to read on the tips section. Ten tips on how to deal with sarcasm, by Rachel Green.

5. Check your Fortnightly Feelings: "I felt determined".

How many feeling words do you have in your vocabulary? You need the language of emotions to understand and think about emotions and to communicate clearly. Send us your feeling stories. If you have your story printed here you'll receive a free copy of our E-book feelings dictionary once it's published. If you have any stories when you've felt any of the following feelings, please send them in: disgraced, spirited, humbled, magnificent.

Today's word is determined.
"I was sitting in a conference. There were three people presenting in the morning and then it would be my turn. I'd been given a hard task - presenting on emotional intelligence to accountants. The conference organiser thought it was a great idea. The participants didn't share the enthusiasm or see the relevance. As I sat through the previous speeches, the audience were in danger of being lulled to sleep through death by power point, along with some flat deliveries and monotonous voices. As I sat there I became very focused on my job. I had to switch the energy in the room. I had to convince everyone that EI was of value to them. I had to be entertaining, stimulating and informative. I focused, I concentrated and I set about planning the ways I'd do that ... I had become determined to lift the level of the presentations."

The strength of the emotion: This is a medium-strong emotion that is a driver of action.

Associated emotions: Convinced, committed, enthusiastic, keen, energised, strong, passionate, focused.

6. Laugh your socks off.

Thanks to Rachel's Reflections reader, Dr Angelee Deodhar in India, for this joke.

Subject: Honestly, Women!

One day, when a seamstress was sewing while sitting close to a river, her thimble fell into the river. When she cried out, the Lord appeared and asked, "My dear child, why are you crying?"
The seamstress replied that her thimble had fallen into the water and that she needed it to help her husband in making a living for their family.
The Lord dipped His hand into the water and pulled up a golden thimble set with pearls. "Is this your thimble?" the Lord asked.
The seamstress replied, "No."
The Lord again dipped into the river. He held out a silver thimble ringed with sapphires. "Is this your thimble?" the Lord asked. Again, the seamstress replied, "No."
The Lord reached down again and came up with a leather thimble. "Is this your thimble?" the Lord asked. The seamstress replied, "Yes."
The Lord was pleased with the woman's honesty, gave her all three thimbles to keep, and the seamstress went home happy.
Some years later, the seamstress was walking with her husband along the riverbank, and her husband fell into the river and disappeared under the water. When she cried out, the Lord again appeared and asked her, "Why are you crying?"
"Oh Lord, my husband has fallen into the river!"
The Lord went down into the water and came up with Mel Gibson."Is this your husband?" the Lord asked.
"Yes," cried the seamstress.
The Lord was furious. "You lied! That is an untruth!"
The seamstress replied, "Oh, forgive me, my Lord. It is a misunderstanding. You see, if I had said 'no' to Mel Gibson, you would have come up with Tom Cruise. Then if I said 'no' to him, you would have come up with my husband. Had I then said 'yes,' you would have given me all three. Lord, I'm not in the best of health and would not be able to take care of all three husbands. So THAT'S why I said 'yes' to Mel Gibson."

The moral of this story is: Whenever a woman lies, it's for a good and honourable reason, and in the best interest of others.
That's our story, and we're sticking to it.

If you have some clean jokes we can use, please send your contributions to

May you find ways to get on with people irrespective of their communication style.
Until next fortnight,
With kindness,
Rachel.

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How I can help you, now.

If you would like to have a conference or event with an energetic and entertaining speech, e-mail or call +61 8 9390 1188.

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1. "Happy not hassled: Manage your emotions, meditate and find contentment": 2 CD set, only $45.
2. "How not to take things personally: Dealing positively with negativity": 2 CD set only $45.
3. "Midlife and Happiness": A book to inspire anyone over 40. Only $34.95.
4. "How to be a winner at dinner: Chat and network with confidence": 3 CD set and booklet, only $75.
5. "Becoming a skilled communicator": 3 CD set, only $60.
   

Order all 5 in one go and you will receive a bonus saving of 10%. To order e-mail us now:

Make sure you read the next Rachel's Reflections:

	Visiting and caring for elderly parents.
	Don't kiss me on the lips please.
	House guests - how to make their stay enjoyable (just in time for Christmas!)

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Disclaimer: The information in this newsletter is of a general nature and may not suit everyone or every situation. While every care has been taken to ensure it is useful and appropriate, no responsibility can be taken for the results gained from its implementation. Please seek individual professional guidance for any difficulties you may have in your communication, inter-personal or people skills. Thank you.