CONFIDENCE 4 U

How to be happy when things go wrong, by Rachel Green.

08-Feb-2006, Number 177

Welcome to this 177th edition of Rachel's Reflections, the number one Internet publication to help you develop your emotional intelligence and communication skills and gain greater clarity, contentment, calm and confidence.
Written and published by Rachel Green.
Visit our website at http://www.rachelgreen.com
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In this edition:

1. Holidays and happy at home.
   
2. Latest news: New by-line and business address - win all our products.
3. Top tips on how to be happy when things go wrong.
4. How you can learn more at home or work, immediately.
5. Feature E-book and free tip: Seven fatal mistakes organisers make with conference and seminar programmes: And how to avoid them.
6. Laugh your socks off.
   

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1. Holidays and happy at home.

I went to visit a friend while I was on holiday recently. When he saw me arrive he asked me if I had been given the day off work or was I absconding! I said, "Oh I'm on holiday". "How come you are still in Perth then and not travelling?""Because I'm happy being at home", came my answer. At that point he looked at me with total disbelief. "Well you must at least take the phone off the hook?" I shook my head and just smiled at him. I was happy, and I'd spent 2 weeks at home. Bliss. "How come it was bliss?", I thought to myself. I decided it was because I could be happy with small things. In fact I think sometimes our society misleads us into thinking we need high levels of excitement and big things - possessions, parties, occasions, etc. to be happy. And I don't think that this is the case. So where is happiness? And more importantly how can we find it even when things go wrong? Read on to the tips section to find out.

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2. Latest news: New by-line and address - and BIG PRIZES.

For years I have struggled to find a brief sentence or phrase to describe the business and the benefits that you will gain from our courses, speeches and work. We've even employed a marketing consultant and not got far. We've come up with all sorts "Smart people skills for smart people", "Insights into people", and more, but nothing has seemed right. Now, we have our latest attempt. "Developing your communication skills and emotional intelligence for greater clarity, contentment, calm and confidence". Let us know if it has any appeal or not. It's a bit wordy but as long as it's less than 21 words it's acceptable, however 3 or 5 or even 7 would be preferable. Three other by-lines I've thought about are, "How to be happy", "Be at your best", or "Like yourself more". If you've got something better (I'm sure it's possible) let us know. If we adopt your by-line you can win a free copy of every single product we have. Give us your opinions and we'll be generous in response with prizes!

And please note we have a new address. It's PO Box 344 Kelmscott WA 6991. Please delete our old PO Box 82 Gosnells address.

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3. Top tips on how to find happiness even when things go wrong.

Tip A. Look for peace, not for excitement.

Happiness is already inside you - it's in the places where you feel at peace. For example, if you sit quietly now, and follow your breath going in and out of the body - can you notice there is a small gap between the in breath and the out breath? In that moment it is usually quite quiet. Now you have the idea, how about you close your eyes and take 3 breaths in and out to notice the gap and the peace. This is something you can do at any time of the day, whether on the bus, the toilet or at your desk. And what you are doing is training yourself to look for peace. Most of us distract ourselves and only look for stimulation or excitement. And if we can learn to do something simple like this when things are going well, then when things are going wrong, we can do the same thing. Find peace by small, simple means.

Tip B. Look for long term contentment not short term excitement.

Having a great night out can be a thrill. Seeing my favourite band, the Sensitive New Age Cowpersons can have me dancing around and glowing with delight for days on end. But this isn't where lasting happiness is - rather it's just an exciting buzz that lasts for the short term. After the excitement there can be quite a downer - everything else can appear drab in comparison. Or, I crave for more, so rather than becoming happier I become dissatisfied; saying things like "Oh, I wish that we can see them again", "Who else is on?" or "There's nothing to do". Instead of short term excitement we need to also look for an attitude to life, to actions and to thoughts that will lead to a more consistent contentment irrespective of what we do. What radiance we would have then! If we have developed long term contentment, then when things go wrong we wouldn't be so thrown by them. We would have built up a reservoir of contentment that we could draw on. It's like putting money in the bank for a rainy day.

Tip C. Notice what you say to yourself.

There is research that shows people deal with failure and problems differently. Some people, when things go wrong, talk pessimistically about what has happened, e.g. they blame themselves, they think it will always be awful, they think badly of themselves, or they think the bad times will last for a long time. Others, in contrast, talk about it in a far more optimistic way. And guess who is happier, who lives longer and is healthier? The ones who talk to themselves about the problems in a more optimistic way. If you'd like to know more about how to talk the language of optimism and how to be happy, then come along to the feature course of the fortnight "Getting the best out of your emotions" on Friday, 17th March 2006. Click here to book in, now!

Tip D. Let it go.

When things go wrong it's easy to go on about them. It's a bit like the cows who chew the cud, people go over and over and over in their minds what has happened and their grievances about it. So your car breaks down, and you grizzle about it. You wish you'd never bought that particular type of car. You then remember it was Richard who suggested it was a good car - so then you start to grizzle about Richard. Even once the car is mended you are still complaining about the car. All the time you are doing this you are depriving yourself of happiness. Every time you grizzle you've blocked out happiness. Let it go. Shrug your shoulders. Write in a journal. Yell at the waves. Go for a run. Put on a Rolling Stones record and sing, "I can't get no satisfaction" until you burst out laughing. Get it out of you. Let it go. And move on.

Tip E. Expect things to go wrong - it's normal.

So often it is our own expectations and high standards that lead us away from happiness and into dissatisfaction. Yet our expectations are often unrealistic - things do go wrong, things do cost more than we calculated, things do take longer than we wanted, people do make mistakes, humans do say the wrong things, bodies get sick, people die, things don't work, people forget, items get lost, others get broken - this is normal. If you can factor in normal expectations your level of contentment won't take such a beating.

Recently a woman e-mailed me because her wedding photographs had not turned out as well as she wanted. Now, months later, she was still upset about it. But were her expectations even realistic in the first place? No! Anyone who thinks that everything about her wedding day should be perfect is going to be disappointed! She had imagined she would look soft, dreamy and demure in her photos but somehow she looked a little stiffer. She had wanted fewer posed shots and more with herself and her husband kissing and hugging in a more natural way. I thought of our own wedding photos - I had a grin fixed ear to ear by the end, like a cardboard cheshire cat, I got so tired of smiling for the photographers. Then there was one with us looking quite mad, and another with my veil blowing all over the place. If you think it's easy looking good in posed photos - it's not - ask any model. To look relaxed in a posed photo is a very high level skill.

Happiness doesn't come from having high expectations, being a perfectionist, or demanding unrealistic standards. Happiness comes by accepting that life does not run smoothly and by allowing the hiccups that happen to do so without their knocking your contentment. As a friend said to me recently, when I asked how he was, "As with all people, problems coming in, problems going out". I laughed. He's one of the most peaceful and contented people I know.

There is so much I can write on this I think I'm going to have to write an E-book on how to be happy. In the meantime, our featured course, "Getting the best out of your emotions" looks carefully at how to stay up even when things go wrong. Do come and join us - it will be well worth it. Click here to book in, now!

4. How you can learn more at home or work, immediately.

Happy not hassled: Using meditation to manage your emotions and find contentment.

This 2CD set will help you stay relaxed while you move through everyday life with all its irritations, conflicts and anxieties. It gives you many tips on how to relax your mind and body, stay calm, de-stress and unwind. Get these 2 CDs and feel good about yourself. AU$45.00 with no extra for postage, world-wide. Order now!

Bonus: If you order and pay for these CDs no later than Wednesday, 15th February 2006, then you will receive a FREE copy of the new E-book, "What to do when women cry: A manual for men." It's worth $25 and it's NEW! So hurry as this offer closes Wednesday, 15th February 2006.

5. Featured Electronic book (E-book) of the fortnight and free tip ...

Seven fatal mistakes that people make when organising conferences or seminars: And how to avoid them.

If you are inexperienced in organising seminars or conferences this E-book will save you hassles and embarrassment. Learn how to put together the ideal programme so your audience and sponsors are thrilled with you.

One of the many tips from the E-book
Being a Master of Ceremonies is a very skilled job. So many Masters of Ceremonies at seminars and conferences are boring and dull. They can drone on, fumble over introductions, and fail to inspire the audience to want to hear the speakers. If you are a conference or seminar organiser it is essential that you select an excellent MC. (A checklist for what makes a good Master of Ceremonies is included in the book to help you.)

Order now and receive it immediately.

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6. Laugh your socks off.

Thanks to Rachel's Reflections reader, Dr Angelee Deodhar from India, for this joke.

There was a doctor, a civil engineer, and a computer scientist sitting around late one evening, and they got to discussing which was the oldest profession. The doctor pointed out that according to Biblical tradition, God created Eve from Adam's rib. This obviously required surgery, so therefore that was the oldest profession in the world.

The engineer countered with an earlier passage in the Bible that stated that God created order from the chaos, and that was most certainly the biggest and best civil engineering example ever, and also proved that his profession was the oldest profession.

The computer scientist leaned back in her chair, and with a sly smile responded, "Yes, but who do you think created the chaos?"

If you have some clean jokes we can use, please send your contributions to

May you be less troubled by things going wrong and find enduring contentment.
Until next fortnight,
With kindness,
Rachel.

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How else you can gain greater clarity, contentment, calm or confidence.

Make sure you read the next Rachel's Reflections:

	How to be happy even when you're ill.
	How to be happy around grumpy people.
	The Rolling Stones are still on tour at 60.

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There are four CDs, a printed book and 2 Electronic books to help you:

1. "Happy not hassled: Manage your emotions, meditate and find contentment": 2 CD set, only $45.
2. "How not to take things personally: Dealing positively with negativity": 2 CD set only $45.
3. "Midlife and Happiness": A book to inspire anyone over 40. Only $34.95.
4. "How to be a winner at dinner: Chat and network with confidence": 3 CD set and booklet, only $75.
5. "Becoming a skilled communicator": 3 CD set, only $60.
   

Order all 4 CDs in one go and you receive the printed book completely free - a saving of $34.95. Please order in our online book and CD store - we have a secure server: click here.

Also available:

6. An Electronic book: "What to do when women cry: A manual for men." 71 pages. Only $25.00. Orders only through the website click here.
7. An Electronic book: "7 fatal mistakes people make when organising conferences or seminar programmes. And how to avoid them." 58 pages. Only $25.00. Orders only through the website click here.

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