Welcome to this 180th edition of Rachel's Reflections, the number one Internet publication to help you develop your emotional intelligence and communication skills and gain greater clarity, contentment, calm and confidence.
Written and published by Rachel Green.
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In this edition:
- Overcoming the fear of public speaking.
- Latest news: Prizes for input into "How to be happy".
- Top tips on "How to be confident in front of an audience".
- How you can learn more at home or work, immediately - Free E-book.
- Feature E-book and free tip. "What to do when women cry: A manual for men."
- Laugh your socks off.
1. Fears of public speaking.
I've just been reading the descriptions I've been sent by people coming to one of my presentation skills courses. The problems they have with public speaking nearly all boil down to two things: "nerves" and "sounding boring". People are worried that they will go blank, or not be able to answer questions, or get flustered and stutter, and on the list goes. And yet it is possible to reduce all these problems and fears and to be confident in front of a group. How do you do this? Read on to the tips section to find out.
2. Latest news: Input into "How to be happy".
Do you have some great advice and tips for how to be happy? Do you have some great stories about how you or someone else stayed happy even when they or you were ill or things were going wrong? Do you have any insights into how people can stay happy and positive even when surrounded by negative people? If so, I'd like to hear your stories. I am now writing the fifth (and for now final) E-book: "How to be happy - even when you're sick, things go wrong or people are negative." I have lots of ideas already but I'm happy to include your stories. If they get included you'll receive a copy of the E-book absolutely free - it will be worth $25 and it will be inspiring. Send me your stories and ideas now to
3. Top tips on how to overcome the fear of public speaking.
Tip A. Keep breathing out.
I know it sounds so simple but keep breathing. Many people when they are nervous in front of an audience hold their breath as they look at the crowd, or prepare to speak. What this means is that your body becomes more uncomfortable and tighter than it needs to be; and that your adrenalin response increases because your brain suddenly realises new oxygen isn't coming in. So as you walk out on to that stage or in front of the people keep breathing out as well as in. You need the outgoing air to speak on so breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out ...
Tip B. Stop the negative thoughts.
Notice what you say to yourself about speaking in public. Do you say, "Oh I can't stand it", "Gee, I hate it", "I always go blank", "I dread the thought that they'll all fall asleep", "What happens if they don't like what I say" and so on and so forth? All this kind of thinking does is wind you up into a nervous panic. It does not help you to think like this. It just makes it harder for you to speak in public. So substitute these thoughts with more useful ones, such as those described in Tip C.
Tip C. Practise being confident.
What you say to yourself about speaking in public can help you to be more confident. It's not that you have to deny that issues will arise, it's rather that you say you'll be able to cope with them. You can also remind yourself of the good things about speaking. Here are some examples of what you might say to yourself to boost your confidence and practise getting in a confident mindset.
"It'll be a great chance to get feedback on my ideas", "I can always say, 'I don't know I'll get back to you', if someone asks a difficult question", "I remember when I spoke at Rotary, they enjoyed my speech", "I've got good notes so I'll be okay", "The power points are easy to read so that's good", "It's only 15 minutes", "It's a good opportunity to get known", "I know what to do if anyone falls asleep", or, "I might even enjoy it." If you'd like more skill in doing this come along to our featured course of the fortnight, "Public speaking made easy" on Friday, 31st March 2006. Click here to book in, now! Hurry though as we only have 6 places left this course is proving so popular.
Tip D. Prepare well and know your key points.
You don't usually need to have a speech written out word for word, as this makes most inexperienced speakers stiff and stilted. It can also increase your nerves as you worry about losing your place, or forgetting the exact word in the speech. Instead know the key points that you want to make and know them off by heart, upside down and backwards - and have them repeatedly scattered through your presentation and on your power point. Then if you ever get stuck you can always return to the key point and say, "The main thing I want you to get out of this is (key point)." The audience will probably never know you've lost your train of thought and will be grateful to have the key point reinforced again.
4. How you can learn more at home or work, immediately.
Happy not hassled: Using meditation to manage your emotions and find contentment.
To help you stay relaxed while you present, try doing the meditations on this 2 CD set. The 6 minute body-scan meditation is good to learn and do immediately prior to speaking. The 30 minute loving-kindness meditation is the one I try to do each night before I'm due to speak so that I look kindly upon the audience, the event and the speech. It gives me the right energy and puts me in the right mindset so I'm not nervous. It also helps me sleep well the night before. The price is only $45.00 and we will post them to you anywhere in the world for no additional fee. Get them now so you are at ease next time you speak in public - all orders through the website Order now!
5. Featured Electronic book (E-book) of the fortnight, plus a free tip ...
What to do when women cry: A manual for men.
If you are a manager giving performance reviews or feedback it is very important that you don't feel uncomfortable when people look upset or cry on you. Yet I know many men (and some women) feel very awkward when this happens and rush to get the session over with, or suspend what they are doing, or soften the feedback they are giving. None of these usually have productive long term outcomes and they can make you the target for manipulation and for more, rather than less crying. Don't risk this happening to you. Become comfortable with crying. Once you're comfortable with it, you'll no longer be manipulated or upset by it. Find out how to do in this practical, quick and easy-to-read but life-changing E-book. For only $25 you could learn essential skills that will suddenly make your job easier - it's worth it. Order through our online Book and CD Store click here and receive it immediately.
6. Laugh your socks off.
Thanks to Rachel's Reflections reader, Shahzadi Rukh, for this joke.
Answers from children on dating and other important matters.
HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHOM TO MARRY?
"You've got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming!"
Alan, age 10
"No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with."
Kirsten, age 10
HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?
"You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids."
Derrick, age 8
WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?
"Both don't want any more kids."
Lori, age 8
WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?
"Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough."
Lynnette, age 8
"On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date."
Martin, age 10
WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?
"When they're rich."
Pam, age 7
If you have some clean jokes we can use, please send your contributions to
May your nerves settle and your confidence blossom.
Until next fortnight,
With kindness,
Rachel.
How else you can gain greater clarity, contentment, calm or confidence.
Make sure you read the next Rachel's Reflections:
 | Telstra put the phone down on me.
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| Making sense of people.
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| The Rolling Stones are still on tour at 60 - are you?
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| How to be happy - even when things are changing.
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If you would like to have a conference or event with an energetic and entertaining speech, e-mail or call +61 8 9390 1188.
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If you need to enhance your people's communication, presentation, people management or emotional intelligence skills, I can help you:
Wanting to learn in your own time?
There are four CDs, a printed book and 3 Electronic books to help you:
- "Happy not hassled: Manage your emotions, meditate and find contentment": 2 CD set, only $45.
- "How not to take things personally: Dealing positively with negativity": 2 CD set only $45.
- "Midlife and Happiness": A book to inspire anyone over 40. Only $34.95.
- "How to be a winner at dinner: Chat and network with confidence": 3 CD set and booklet, only $75.
- "Becoming a skilled communicator": 3 CD set, only $60.
Order all 4 CDs in one go and you receive the printed book completely free - a saving of $34.95. Please order in our online book and CD store - we have a secure server: click here.
Also available:
- An Electronic book: "What to do when women cry: A manual for men." 71 pages. Only $25.00. Orders only through the website click here.
- An Electronic book: "7 fatal mistakes people make when organising conferences or seminar programmes. And how to avoid them." 42 pages. Only $25.00. Orders only through the website click here.
- An Electronic book: "A Master of Ceremonies: The beginner's guide on being a brilliant MC". 73 pages. Only $25.00. Orders only through the website click here.
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Disclaimer: The information in this newsletter is of a general nature and may not suit everyone or every situation. While every care has been taken to ensure it is useful and appropriate, no responsibility can be taken for the results gained from its implementation. Please seek individual professional guidance for any difficulties you may have in your communication, inter-personal or people skills. Thank you.
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