Written and published by Rachel Green.
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In this edition:
- Welcome and background news.
- Top tips on ways to develop your emotional intelligence
- Further tips on increasing your EI.
- Special offer: F.R.E.E. CD set, "Happy not hassled".
- Laugh your socks off.
1. Welcome.
Welcome to this fortnight's Confidence 4 U; it is great to have so many new subscribers, including all those from my speeches and workshops in Bunbury and those of you from the USA, Canada, Australia, UK, South Africa and more. It's wonderful to have you with us. Please feel able to send in your requests for topics.
We all have emotions. Every human feels whether it's sadness, loneliness, happiness, resentment, frustration, anger, contentment or complacency.
We also all have varying levels of emotional intelligence; in other words our awareness, expression and management of such emotions in ourselves and others.
Why does our emotional intelligence matter? Because emotions influence how we behave. If you don't believe me, next time you're driving, watch how you respond when someone cuts in front of you. Do you swear, honk your horn, put your finger out of the window give a friendly wave to the driver or smile and say "a pleasure, anytime."? As you watch how you respond, notice what the emotion is that drives your response. there will be one. You may feel indignant, (how dare you drive in front of me like that); angry, (stupid idiot, you could have killed us both); scared, (we'll crash); content, (happy to share this space with you); resentful, (I'm trying to get to work on time)......and so on.
Emotions do matter. And so does emotional intelligence. It can make the differene between your success and failure in realtionships; to your ability to cope with changes in your life; to how well you succeed at work. So how can you boost your emotional intelligence? Read on to the tips section to find out.
The winner this week of a F.R.E.E. E-book from our range is . Please contact us no later than 2008 to collect your prize:
2. How to develop your emotional intelligence.
Tip 1: Have a comprehensive emotional vocabulary.
I was running a workshop the other day and gave a business group a list of emotions that I thought would support the values they'd wanted to promote in the workplace. The values included concepts such as trust, and open-ness for example. A further list was given which listed emotions that may diminish the chance of the values being met. As the group were reading their emotions one of them came across the words "sad" and "unhappy" and said "Aren't these the same thing?" No I said, they may be related, but there are many ways to be unhappy. You may feel disappointed, let down, chastised, ignored, depleted, at a loss, down, gloomy....or any of 1, 2 or 3 hundred other versions of unhappy.
The more comprehensive your vocabulary the more chance of accurately identifying how you feel. Develop a comprehensive emotional vocabulary. Have competitions with your friends, children, or grandchildren to see who can list the most emotions!
Tip 2. Know how you are feeling now.
Many people rush through their day oblivous to how they are feeling. Yet this could be dangerous if it influences your behaviour. For example,you may feel hurt and not realise it and make a snide comment about someone because of it. This person may then feel belittled and a negativity develops between you. All this may have been prevented had you known much earlier that you felt hurt and dealt with it intelligently. Develp a habit of checking in with yourself regularly, every hour or half-hour to find out how you are feeling. Don't leave it until it's too late. Know how you are feeling now.
Tip 3. Don't let your emotions dictate your behaviour.
When you let your emotions dictate your decisions, you are making emotional decisions not emotionally intelligent ones. What do I mean by an emotional decision? Let's go back to the example of the car cutting in front of you. If you get angry and yell, gesture or beep your horn, this is an emotional response. The anger leads to dangerous behaviour and a potential road rage incidence is in the making. Instead, if when you noticed you were angry you say to yourself "It's more important that I stay safe" and you decide the safest option is to ease off your speed and do nothing. You are acting in a more emotionally intelligent way. The emotions are not dictating your only course of action. Always have options in the way you behave whatever you are feeling. Do you choose the emotionally intelligent option? For example, if you are feeling angry, you might yell at someone or yell at a brick wall when no-one is around. Both acknowledge the emotion, and both express the emotion, but the wall option may save your relationships and be more intelligent.
Tip 4. Manage each emotion - the best emotion for each situation.
The idea of "managing" your emotions is not the same as "controlling" your emotions. "Controlling" them is often associated with repression, denial or hiding them. For example, you feel angry but you "grin and bear it". This isn't what I mean by managing them. There are two factors to managing your emotions, the first is in managing the emotions you feel in the first place, so for example, managing yourself well so that anger or frustration seldom arise. The second factor is being able to shift from one emotion to another as you need to. Thus, if you wake up in the morning feeling crabby and resentful for having been woken during the night by the neighbour's dog, can you notice you are resentful, express it safely, then develop another emotion which is more helpful, such as a feeling of contentment, calm or enthusiasm as you meet the team at work? This is a high level of emotional skill. Highly emotionally intelligent people can do this. They can manage their emotions, and more turning them into the best emotion for the situation. How intelligent are you in managing your emotions?
3. Further tips on increasing your EI.
Each month new tips are placed on our page of Personal Development Tips and Articles.
Click on the links to read three of the newest ones:
- How to develop compassion to yourself.
- Ten tips on giving emotionally intelligent customer service.
- Sarcasm: Ten tips on how to deal with sarcasm.
4. How you can manage your emotions.
Happy not hassled: Using meditation to manage your emotions and find contentment.
This 2CD set will help you learn how to calm your emotions and manage feelings such as anxiety, anger, frustration and irritation. In addition, when you can learn how to calm your mind with these 4 easy-to-do meditations it will help you reduce the chance of anger irritation and resentment arising in the first place. Get these 2 CDs and get rid of irritations now. I have personally used all the meditations on the CDs to help me stay calm in a variety of situations and I practise them regularly. AU$45.00 with no extra for postage, world-wide. Order now!
Bonus: If you buy these CDs on the website no later than Saturday, 31st May 2008, then you will receive a second copy of the CDs for F.R.E.E. worth $45. Give them to a friend and help them too.
To be eligible for the extra copy you must order through our On-line Book and CD store and click newsletter when it asks you where you heard about the CDs. Don't miss out - hurry as this offer closes, Saturday, 31st May 2008. This offer is ONLY available to CONFIDENCE 4 U Readers.
5. Laugh your socks off.
Thanks to Angelee Deodhar, our of our readers in India, for this fortnight's funnies.
The Washington Post's Mensa Invitational .
The Washington Post asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are this year's winners. Read them carefully. Each is an artificial word with only one letter altered to form
a real word:
- Intaxication: euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you
realize it was your money to start with.
- Reintarnation: coming back to life as a hillbilly.
- Bozone (n.): the substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright
ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign
of
breaking down in the near future.
- Cashtration (n.): the act of buying a house, which renders the subject
financially
impotent for an indefinite period.
- Giraffiti: vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
- Sarchasm: the gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who
doesn't get it.
- Inoculatte: to take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
- Hipatitis: terminal coolness.
- Osteopornosis: a degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
- Karmageddon: it's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's, like, a serious bummer.
- Decafalon (n.): the grueling event of getting through the day consuming
only things that are good for you.
- Glibido: all talk and no action.
- Dopeler effect: the tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
- Arachnoleptic fit (n.): the frantic dance performed just after you've
accidentally walked through a spider web.
- Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your
bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
- Caterpallor (n.): the color you turn after finding half a worm in the
fruit you're eating.
And The #1 Pick:
- Ignoranus: a person who's both stupid and an a.s.s hole.
If you have some clean jokes we can use, please send your contributions to
May you manage your emotions and be happy.
With kindness,
Rachel.
Further information for you
Learn in your own time.
There are nine CD sets, a printed book and 6 Electronic books to help you, including the NEW! CD set on "CONFIDENCE for women at work," and the 3rd edition of the E-book "How to be a brilliant master of ceremonies." Please order in our online book and CD store - we have a secure server: click here.
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Disclaimer: The information in this magazine is of a general nature and may not suit everyone or every situation. While every care has been taken to ensure it is useful and appropriate, no responsibility can be taken for the results gained from its implementation.
Please seek individual professional guidance for any difficulties you may have with your confidence, relationships, managing people, communication, workskills or emotions. Thank you.
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