Written and published by Rachel Green.
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In this edition:
- Being taken seriously.
- New E-book: "Travelling in Australia", available this week.
- Top tips on "How to be taken seriously and be listened to".
- Happy not hassled - CD set two for the price of one special offer.
- Laugh your socks off.
1. Being taken seriously.
Do you get the respect you deserve? Do people take you seriously enough? Are you listened to? If not, you are not alone. By far my most popular in-house course at the moment is, "Being taken seriously: Clear and confident communication skills for women". I seem to have been running it non-stop all year for many different groups of women but especially for those working in male dominated professions. I thought, therefore, that it would be good to share some of the ideas from this course with you, so that you can all benefit. Whether you are a man or a woman, some people are not listened to; or do not know how to stand up for themselves; or have good ideas and work hard without getting the acknowledgement they deserve. If this applies to you, and you’d like to come across more confidently and clearly and gain more respect - please read on to the tips section.
2. Latest news: New E-book: "Travelling in Australia" - soon available.
There is so much going on at the moment and it is all exciting. After the release of the "Press releases made easy" book that I announced last newsletter another E-book will be published this week, complete with some photographs, (including one of me with a wild parrot on my head!). This time it is for people outside of Australia who are visiting Australia. The first edition will be specifically for British visitors, then the second version will be for American and Canadian visitors. There will be 112 things about Australia that your Tourist Agent may not have told you. The book will also be good for those of you within Australia who host visitors from overseas. I will give you full details in the next newsletter - but it will be for sale on Thursday 17th May all being well, on the website.
Also, editing of our "How to have a happy marriage" CD was finished on Friday and we have moved on to the cover design stage. And, on Friday, I finished the last interview for the "Confidence for women" CD series. The woman I interviewed talked about how she has regained her confidence following a dreadful road accident. I was so inspired by her attitude to life that I am excited about your having the chance to hear her too. The editing will take a very long time but I will keep you in touch with the progress. Thanks to those who have contacted me asking what is happening with them.
And what are most of our people buying? Without a doubt the "Master of Ceremonies" E-book - there are MCs around the world grabbing copies of that en mass. And, the CD that is bought the most often is the "Happy Not Hassled" CD. Thus, I have given you a two for the price of one offer this time, in case you haven’t got your copy yet.
If you would like to be kept up-to-date with all the new products we now have a special products "Keep me up to date e-mail list." If you’d like to add your name to the list so you hear as soon as the "Travelling in Australia" book, or the CDs, or any future CD set or book is published, please send an e-mail to: No need to say anything in the e-mail - we will know! We only send you one e-mail per product so you are not bombarded. And, when possible we include special offers for subscribers.
3. Top tips on how to be taken seriously and be listened to.
Tip A: Communicate more like the other person does.
When people are not relating well to someone, they sometimes increase what they're doing. This doesn't always work. Instead, it puts an even bigger wedge between them.
For instance, imagine that someone is not saying very much to you - do you increase the amount you talk or do you decrease it? Many people talk more when another person is quiet in the mistaken belief that this will get him/her to talk. This can simply make things worse. Instead, discover what happens if you reduce the amount you talk so that your style of communication becomes more like theirs.
It is an important principle - the more similar your communication style the more often you will get along. Some women, in particular, if they are nervous in front of a senior male at work who says little, may start what I call “blabbing”, i.e. they increase their talking and become more animated in an effort to fill the silence and compensate for it. I know, I've done it! Men may do this too if they feel awkward. Extraverts may also do the same, i.e. cover up their awkwardness by talking more. If you want to get on well and be listened to, don't blab with a reserved quiet person, use a more similar communication style - be more like them, not less.
Tip B: Learn to be comfortable with silence.
How much can you tolerate silence? Some men and women are very uncomfortable with silence and move to fill it quickly. However, this can mean you say more than you originally intended, that you don't stick to your point or that you can give into something that you needed to resist. None of these will help you be taken seriously. The emotionally intelligent response to feeling uncomfortable would be to know that you are uncomfortable but not automatically to let your feelings dictate what you do. If you are uncomfortable with silence, get a group of friends or colleagues together and practise being silent with each other until you find it easier. Give a reward to the person who can stand it for the longest.
Tip C: Survive a challenge and restate your case.
Meetings are a classic place where people may not be heard and a small number of people can dominate. In my experience many women, when challenged at a meeting by a more senior person will back down. When I ask them why, they offer explanations such as, "I presumed he didn’t like what I was saying", "I thought he wasn’t interested", or "I decided I had said the wrong thing". Know that none of these may be true. Instead, sometimes take the challenge as an opportunity to stand your ground and to convince people of your case. When you back down quickly and go quiet you may be undermining yourself and losing respect. You don’t need to have an all out fight but it is important that you can stand your ground when challenged. Some people will challenge others simply to give them a chance to convince everyone of their points. Don’t throw away the opportunity.
Tip D: Take up space.
I have seen men and women disappear at meetings. I mean they are still there but they shrink. They can sit in a way that lowers their height, they can collapse their shoulders so their chests are no longer as broad, or they can squeeze into a corner without taking up room on the table. All this can send signals that you are not important. Notice how often confident people take up space. Try it yourself: sit upright, uncross your legs, leave your arms open, square up your shoulders, let your arms or materials take up space on the meeting table, and so on.
Tip E: Stop believing your bad thoughts.
Please do not believe everything you say to yourself. Our thoughts can lie. Our thoughts can tell us nasty things about ourselves that are not true. Our thoughts can generate utter nonsense. Just because you've thought: "I can’t do this", or "I’m stupid", or "I’m not senior enough to say anything", does not mean it's true. Monitor your thoughts. Write them down over a day. Notice how quickly they change. Do not be at the mercy of your thinking. You have the choice as to whether you believe your thoughts or not. If they are stopping you from standing up for yourself and speaking out challenge their value to you. I have found it much easier to stop believing my silly thoughts since I have learnt to meditate. I now monitor what I say to myself and have found a lot of it appears to be unfounded junk!
4. How you can learn more about managing yourself so you can be taken seriously.
Happy not hassled: Using meditation to manage your emotions and find contentment.
This 2CD set is the one most of our readers are using to help them to stay relaxed and calm, to challenge their thinking, and to take more control of their emotions. Being able to do all of these things will help you to speak out at meetings, to stand up for yourself, and to tolerate silence. If you are anxious at a meeting "Happy not hassled" gives you techniques to stay in control. If you feel intimidated by colleagues it will help you feel stronger. If you say negative things to yourself it will give you ways to let them go. I personally use all the techniques on these CDs on a daily basis to stay calm and confident. (I meditate each evening). I talk about how I do this on the CDs. AU$45.00 with no extra for postage, world-wide. Order now!
Bonus: If you buy these CDs on the website no later than Friday afternoon 18th May 2007, then you will receive a second copy of the CDs for FREE, worth $45. Give them to a friend and help them too. To be eligible for the free copy you must order through our On-line Book and CD store and on the order form where it says "How did you hear about this product?" click "newsletter." Don't miss out - hurry as this offer closes, Friday 18th May 2007. This offer is ONLY available to Rachel's Reflections Readers.
5. Laugh your socks off.
Thanks to one of our Rachel's Reflections readers, Dr Angelee Deodhar in India, for this fortnight’s joke.
Q: Why are elephants large, lumpy, and grey?
A: Because if they were small, round, and white, they'd be aspirins.
If you have some clean jokes we can use, please send your contributions to
May you be heard and gain respect.
Until next fortnight,
With kindness,
Rachel.
Further information for you
If you'd like me to speak at your function or seminar on "Being taken seriously", happiness, emotional intelligence, confidence, presentation skills, staying calm with negative people or a similar topic; or provide 1-1 coaching; e-mail or call +61 8 9390 1188.
Learn in your own time.
There are five CD sets, a printed book and 5 Electronic books to help you, including the NEW! CD set on "How to have abundant energy," and the new E-book on "Press releases made easy." Please order in our online book and CD store - we have a secure server: click here.
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Disclaimer: The information in this newsletter is of a general nature and may not suit everyone or every situation. While every care has been taken to ensure it is useful and appropriate, no responsibility can be taken for the results gained from its implementation.
Please seek individual professional guidance for any difficulties you may have with your communication, health, presentation skills, inter-personal relationships or psychological well-being. Thank you.
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