Written and published by Rachel Green.
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In this edition:
- Developing your confidence and skills when meeting new people at work or home.
- Latest news: Your confidence problems please.
- Top tips on: How to chat with new people.
- Be a winner at dinner - special offer - the last one before Xmas.
- Laugh your socks off.
1. Developing your confidence when meeting new people at work or home.
Life is full of people - some known to you and some new. The new person may be someone you meet at a friend's dinner or a new client or colleague at work. Alternatively, it may not just be one new person you meet, it may be many, for example, when you attend a seminar, a wedding, a parents' night or a networking function.
For many people meeting new people is difficult. What do you say when you meet a new person? How can you have the confidence to introduce yourself? How can you encourage a stranger to feel comfortable talking to you? Read on to the tips section to find out.
2. Latest news: Your stories on confidence wanted.
Welcome to all our new readers of Confidence 4 U from around the world. Many of you have joined us from South Africa, Canada, and Australia, this fortnight, and a special greeting to our new reader in Kenya. We are keen to have more readers in the USA and UK so if you know anyone there please tell them about us.
As I mentioned in the last newsletter I am now working on a new E-book on Confidence. I invite you to be involved. I would like to include your confidence problems in the book, (where I will answer them). I am keen to hear from you. Please tell me:
- What problems you have with your confidence.
- In what areas you'd like more confidence.
If your responses are included in the E-book, you will get a free copy of it.
If you would like to be kept up-to-date with the launch of the
new Confidence CDs just send an e-mail to: and we will add you to our new products e-mail list.
3. How to chat with new people.
Tip 1: Prepare in advance - find out about the people.
Preparation can make an enormous difference to successful conversation. If you are being invited to a function or event where there is a guest list then read the guest list in advance. If you are going with someone else who knows people at the party, wedding or networking function, quiz them about the other people there. For example, I went with my husband recently to one of his work functions. There were eight people going for dinner and I didn't know most of the other people. On the way to the dinner I asked him lots of questions about the people I was about to meet, from their names, cultural origins, to their families and hobbies. I learnt someone was a professional cook, another had a PhD from James Cook University, another had just bought a new car, and one had recently visited Vancouver. This meant that although I didn't know them I already had topics I could talk to them about. Do your preparation. It will boost your confidence as you will no longer be walking into the unknown.
Tip 2: Ask open-ended questions.
One of the biggest factors contributing to conversations which go nowhere are dead-ended questions, i.e. those questions which require only a single word response, such as, "Nice sandwiches aren't they?" = yes/no. "Did you have a good holiday?" = yes/no. "Have you been here before?" = yes/no. Questions like this kill conversations.
Open-ended questions in contrast leave more opportunities for a longer answer. Examples of open-ended questions include:
- "What kinds of things do you like to do on the weekends?"
- "What have been your best holidays?" or
- "What are your favourite foods?"
By asking these kinds of questions instead of closed ones, you have more chance of opening up conversations with new people. Most people are not even aware that they are asking dead-ended questions, nor how often they are doing this. Are you? Check yourself. Be aware - then you can be in control of the conversation.
Tip 3: Be genuinely interested in people.
Do not just go through the motions - be interested in people - really interested. They may not be the same as you but this doesn't mean you can't be interested in finding out about them and what motivates them to do the things they do and think the opinions they have. Conversation skills are not just a technique - they are a way of connecting with people - real people. Once you allow yourself to be interested in the other person conversation can flow more easily because you have removed the barriers to interesting conversation.
I have heard some people say, "I hate small-talk", yet "small-talk" is about people. If you don't like "small-talk" you are saying "I don't like people". It may also mean that you haven't understood how essential conversation is in forming relationships, or that you've not yet learnt the small-talk skills you need. Small-talk is a skill that you can learn. Don't expect to be confident if you haven't put the time in to learn the skills first. If you want to become better at conversation we have a 3 CD set that can teach you what to do:
Be a winner at dinner: How to chat and network with confidence and skill.
Tip 4: Say something about yourself - do not just expect the other person to do the talking.
Conversation is not about asking another person questions. It is also about letting them know about yourself. For example, in a recent workshop I ran, two team members were asked to have a conversation with each other, and they both discovered they liked snow boarding. They would never have found out they had it in common unless they were both willing to tell the other person about themselves.
Thus, as a further example, if you are at a dinner, you might ask the question about food, mentioned in the earlier tips, by providing some information about yourself first: "Great, Thai curry is on the menu, it's been one of my favourite foods, ever since my holiday in Thailand. What are your favourite foods?"
Tip 5: Stop worrying that you are being judged.
Instead of focusing on yourself and presuming that the other people are thinking negative things about you, focus on the other people. Work out how to make the conversation easy for them. They may well be thinking and worrying about themselves and not thinking about you at all. They may even be concerned that you are judging them negatively!
4. How you can learn more conversation skills for work and home.
Be a winner at dinner: How to chat and network with confidence and skill.
If you've ever run out of things to say when you meet people, or got stuck in a boring conversation, or felt awkward talking to people, then take hope! These 3 CDs and booklet give you the essential keys to overcoming all these problems. You'll learn how to make interesting conversations, talk easily to people, including strangers, and to exit politely. Never be lost for words again. I have personally used and developed all the strategies on these CDs, so I know they work. In addition, you get to hear what the ideas sound like in conversation, by listening to the eight people I took into the recording studio with me. I also answer their questions about conversation.
Click here to order now! Only $75.00, with no extra for postage, world-wide.
If you order no later than Friday 31st August 2007 then you will get a F.R.E.E. extra copy to give to a friend, to the value of $75. To be eligible for the extra copy you must order through our On-line Book and CD store and click NEWSLETTER when it asks you where you heard about the CDs. Don't miss out - this offer closes, Friday 31st August 2007. This offer is ONLY available to CONFIDENCE 4 U readers.
Order now!
5. Laugh your socks off.
Thanks again to Angelee Deodhar, in India, for this fortnight's joke.
Pilot gripes.**
After every flight, pilots complete a gripe sheet that conveys to the mechanics any problems they've encountered with the aircraft during the flight that need repair or correction. The mechanics respond in writing on the lower half of the form to say what remedial action was taken. Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humor.
Here are some allegedly real maintenance complaints as submitted by Qantas pilots and the solutions recorded by their maintenance engineers. By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident. (P = The problem logged by the pilot. S = The solution and action taken by the engineers.)
P: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tyre.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on backorder.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute
descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're there for.
P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
If you have some clean jokes we can use, please send your contributions to
May your conversation skills and confidence build so that you enjoy meeting new people.
Until next fortnight,
With kindness,
Rachel.
Further information for you
If you'd like me to speak at your function or seminar on communication, emotional intelligence, confidence, presentation skills, staying calm with negative people, or a similar topic; or provide you with 1-1 job interview coaching; e-mail or call +61 8 9390 1188.
Learn in your own time.
There are six CD sets, a printed book and 6 Electronic books to help you, including the NEW! CD set on "A successful marriage," and the new 3rd edition of the E-book "How to be a brilliant master of ceremonies." Please order in our online book and CD store - we have a secure server: click here.
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Disclaimer: The information in this newsletter is of a general nature and may not suit everyone or every situation. While every care has been taken to ensure it is useful and appropriate, no responsibility can be taken for the results gained from its implementation.
Please seek individual professional guidance for any difficulties you may have with your confidence, communication, self-esteem, presentation skills, inter-personal relationships, emotional management, or psychological well-being. Thank you.
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