CONFIDENCE 4 U

How to stay confident when things go wrong

20-Nov-2007, Number 209

Written and published by Rachel Green.
Visit our website at http://www.rachelgreen.com
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Building your self-confidence, communication skills and conversations:

Welcome to our new readers from around the world, including this fortnight from the Philippines, Kenya, Australia, Indonesia, USA, UK and Hungary.

The winner this fortnight, of a free E-book of his/her choice from our range, is bp boim in Indonesia. Sorry, we don't know your full name. If this is your e-mail address please contact us to claim your prize before the next newsletter.

We are trying a new "real" photo - no make-up, no soft lighting, just the raw me you'd meet at the shops! Let me know what you think! It isn't glamourous that's for sure. I may change it often too ...

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Tip 1. Find the blessings.

When things go wrong it can be very hard to see anything but the bleak darkness of difficulty. However, it was clear from the women I interviewed on our new CD set on "Confidence for women in social situations" that when things go wrong it helps to look for the blessings. One of the women, Shazhadi, did this even when she ended up in a hospital spinal unit following a bad car crash. She laughed as she remembered an article that said sleeping on your back was good for your wrinkles ... and realised that 4 months without being able to roll over was going to be good for her face! She also accepted that it was "God's way of making her take a rest" and that this was a blessing as she needed a rest. What blessings do you have in your life? Focus on these - it will help your confidence.

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Tip 2. Take one step, any step, to get your confidence back.

Undoubtedly all the women on the CDs said take one step at a time to overcome a loss of confidence. Which step may not matter, as long as it helps. Just take a step. The size of the step may not matter, just start the process, even with a tiny step. Sue, for instance, after a dreadful divorce, talks about how one day she decided to take her dog for a walk on the dog beach. When she was there she walked past another woman walking her dog and smiled at her. It was such a small thing, but the result of this one smile was the development of a new close friendship with the other dog owner. This boosted her confidence enormously. Sue knows the depths of depression and still says that a small step such as a smile can be the first step towards regaining your confidence, building friendships and feeling better. What's more it can help other people and costs you nothing. Who will you smile at today?

Tip 3: Take practical steps to stay safe and stay confident.

If you travel alone, as Helena did around the world, (another woman on the CDs), it can be dangerous. Many of us probably don't have enough confidence to do what she did. However, she used a whole series of practical strategies to stay confident and to stay safe. One of them was that she always carried a whistle. If she felt she was being followed, for instance, she would blow her whistle and make a loud noise that would frighten the potential attacker and attract other people's attention. She also knew to run to a place where there was video surveillance. In this way she stayed safe and was confident in her ability to protect herself. Sometimes being confident just requires a set of practical steps. It is no good just waiting to become confident - you need to do something to make it happen. What practical steps can you take to increase your confidence in difficult situations?

Tip 4: Allow your emotions.

When times are difficult you may experience a wide and changing set of emotions: this is normal. People can move between grief, resentment, anger, bitterness, anxiety, depression, resignation and many other emotions while experiencing change and coping with difficulties. Instead of burying, hating or fighting such emotions, name each emotion for what it is - anger, hate, frustration, bitterness, etc. Acknowledge its existence. Then allow it and express it safely in some way. It has been found in a new study that emotional expression can help people stay healthy. Once you've expressed it safely, move on. In summary acknowledge, allow, manage and move on. When you can manage your emotions well, your confidence can be maintained throughout your life. Being confident doesn't mean being happy all the time. It means having the confidence to face your feelings. You can feel sad and confident at the same time. You can feel irritated and confident at the same time. How confident are you in handling your emotions? Is this an area for you to develop more skills? How do you feel right now?

Tip 5: Develop positive thoughts.

We all have heard of people who see the glass half-full and those who see it as half-empty. It matters which one you do. If you see what is wrong, what is missing and what you don't like all the time your energy, confidence and happiness are likely to drain away. If you can change your thinking to see the glass half-full then your confidence is more likely to stay or build. For example, when you are looking at someone and thinking "What an idiot" rather than "Here's a person who needs my help" you will probably find it harder to manage the situation confidently and calmly. There is no doubt that the confident women on the CDs practised positive thinking consistently and often - no matter how difficult the situation. This helped them stay confident against all odds. They talk about using a variety of techniques to help them from white light meditation, talking to "Angels" and drawing strength from role models. What can you do today to develop more positive thinking?

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3. How to be self-confident and overcome a loss of confidence.

Confidence for women in social situations: How to build your self-confidence and overcome a loss of confidence.

Discover how to be more confident even when things go wrong by listening to the inspiring and unique interviews on these 2 CDs, featuring six amazing women. Sue tells you how she regained her confidence after the shock of a divorce and depression. Shazhadi describes how she stayed calm and with a sense of humour after a crippling car accident and how she has regained the confidence to drive again. Helena tells you how she found the confidence to travel around the world and to stay safe despite threats. Monika talks of her role models and staying confident in new situations. Noela describes how the "mean girls" at school affected her confidence. And, I coach Paraska on how to accept compliments.

These CDs are FULL of practical tips that you can use for greater confidence. This is material that has never before been released.

Order this unique 2 CD set now and be confident. Only $49, with no extra for postage or packing, world-wide.

Bonus: Buy the "Confidence for women in social situations" CDs on the website no later than Sunday 25th November 2007 and be in the draw to win a free copy of BOTH the "How to have abundant energy" CD set, (valued at $39) AND "A successful marriage" CD set, (valued at $59). Everyone who buys the confidence CD set up until 25th November will be entered in the draw and a lucky winner drawn out of the hat.

To be eligible for the prize order through our On-line Book and CD store and click NEWSLETTER when it asks you where you heard about the CDs.
Order now!

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4. Laugh your socks off.

Thanks to our Confidence 4 U reader Anil Khilani, for this fortnight's joke.

A blonde at a bank

A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the Loan officer. She says she's going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000.

The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Mercedes Benz SL 500. The car is parked on the street in front of the bank, she has the title and everything checks out. The bank agrees to accept the car collateral for the loan.

The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the blond for using a $110,000 Benz as collateral against a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then proceeds to drive the Benz into the bank's underground garage and parks it there. Two weeks later, the blonde returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41.

The loan officer says, "Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"

The blonde replies, "Where else in New York City can I park my Car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?"

If you have some clean jokes we can use, please send your contributions to

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Recipe for life: Just add kindness.

Until next fortnight,
With kindness,
Rachel.

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Further information for you

Learn in your own time.

There are seven CD sets, a printed book and 6 Electronic books to help you, including the NEW! CD set on "Confidence for women in social situations," and the new 3rd edition of the E-book "How to be a brilliant master of ceremonies." Please order in our online book and CD store - we have a secure server: click here.

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Please note, material in this newsletter is copyrighted and remains the intellectual property of RachelGreen.Com Pty Ltd.

Disclaimer: The information in this magazine is of a general nature and may not suit everyone or every situation. While every care has been taken to ensure it is useful and appropriate, no responsibility can be taken for the results gained from its implementation. Please seek individual professional guidance for any difficulties you may have with your confidence, communication, or emotions. Thank you.