CONFIDENCE 4 U

How to make easy conversations at Christmas

04-Dec-2007, Number 210

Written and published by Rachel Green.
Visit our website at http://www.rachelgreen.com
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Building your self-confidence, communication skills and conversations:

Christmas is a time for conversations. Conversations with people whom you've never met before, or you only see once a year, or with those you live with. Yet we don't always find conversations easy. So how do you talk easily with people and make sure your conversations are interesting. How do you pass the time of day with people without it being boring? Read on to the tips section to find out.

Welcome to our new readers from around the world, including this fortnight from Australia, USA, UK and Romania.

The winner this fortnight, of a free E-book of his/her choice from our range, is Neil Kagan in Australia. Please contact us to claim your prize before the next newsletter.

And, this fortnight we have a special Xmas offer with gift wrapped presents for each of you, if you order a CD set in the next three days.

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Tip 1. What to do when old Uncle Albert goes on about his roses or the war.

Be kind - if this is his passion then have a generous heart and talk to him about his roses. After all, it is Christmas. Find out what it is that Uncle Albert likes about roses, how rose gardening has changed since he was a child, what first got him hooked into roses, how he'd like to see gardens developing in future, and so on. It isn't always necessary for you to choose the topic, or even to find the topic itself interesting ... but you can have an interest in the person. Be willing to be interested in people and what makes them tick. People are fascinating if you let them be.

Tip 2. What to do when the other person doesn't say much.

There are at least four reasons why people don't say much. First, they may be shy and not know what to say. Second, you may not have said much so they don't want to open up to you. Third, you may have been asking them closed questions and they are obediently saying "yes" or "no" because you have asked yes/no questions. Fourth, they may know nothing about the topic. Thus, try these four things to get them to open up:

1. Relax them. Be warm, friendly and willing to listen. Don't bombard them with questions or non-stop talking.
   
2. Talk more, e.g. about what you have been doing, about your own childhood, about your work and what interests you about it.
   
3. Ask them open-ended questions, such as, "What kinds of things do you like about your work?", "What have been your best holidays?" or "What kinds of things do you like to do in your spare time?"
   
4. Find out what the person's interests are and talk about those - people often say more when talking about their passions.
   

Tip 3: How to make the conversation interesting.

If you talk about positive topics it will generate more energy than if you are complaining about things that have gone wrong, that are wrong with the world or with the people in your family. When you choose topics find something different to talk about, something other than the weather, the food, the beer or the presents. There are hundreds of topics to choose from, just look in any newspaper and you'll find plenty. If you are really stuck then travel and holidays are often good topics as people generally like their holidays or travelling and it takes people away from work and negative topics.

Tip 4: How not to run out of topics to talk about.

Prepare topics to talk about in advance of going to any party, Christmas dinner or get-together, so you don't get thrown by an awkward silence. Don't just go without first thinking about what you might talk about, as topics won't automatically arrive in the middle of a conversation. Also, make sure that you stay on one topic for long enough and have some depth to your conversation, rather than flitting over the top of topics. Thus, when talking about holidays rather than just asking, "Where are you going on holiday?" or "Did you have a good holiday" or only saying "Sounds great, mate" in return ... ask more about the holiday and give longer answers in return.

Tip 5: How not to get stuck with one person.

Exit politely from people and move on by thanking them for talking to you, or for the topics you've talked about. Then wish them a happy Christmas and move on. Alternatively, take them with you to someone else and both go and meet new people together. This applies even at a sit-down Christmas meal - you can swap places between courses - you don't have to stay sitting next to the same person for the whole time. Encourage everyone else to move as well, so you all get to meet each other.

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3. How to master the art of conversation this Christmas.

Be a winner at dinner: How to chat and network with confidence and skill.

If you'd like to learn more about how to make interesting conversations, or to know how to introduce or change topics, or talk to friends and family, then you'll learn all this and more on the 3 CD set "Be a winner at dinner: How to chat and network with confidence and skill." The CDs are practical and easy to follow and you hear me, Rachel, coaching 8 other people to become really good at conversation.

These CDs are FULL of practical tips for easier conversations. Order this unique 3 CD set plus a booklet now. Only $75, with no extra for postage or packing, world-wide.

Bonus: Buy the "Be a winner at dinner" CDs on the website no later than Friday 6th December 2007 and receive a F.R.E.E. gift wrapped copy to give to a friend for Christmas. (Valued at $75)

And, if you order any other CD set at the same time, you will also get a f.r.e.e. gift wrapped copy of that CD as well, especially for Christmas. This is a once only offer, and only for newsletter readers.

To be eligible for the gift copies, order through our On-line Book and CD store and click NEWSLETTER when it asks you where you heard about the CDs.
Order here and do your Xmas shopping now!

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4. Laugh your socks off.

Thanks to our Confidence 4 U reader, Dennis Kelly, for this fortnight's joke.

A pet for company.

"A lonely elderly man decided to purchase a pet for company. At the pet shop he became fascinated by a friendly centipede. Having purchased it, he put it in a small box and took it home.

After dinner that night he decided to go to the local hotel. He whispered into the box, "Would you like to come to the pub with me?" but there was no answer.

As he was getting ready he asked again but still no reply.

Whilst getting on his jacket he asked a third time, "Would you like to come to the pub with me?"

A soft but impatient voice from the box answered, "Okay, okay, I heard you the first time, I'm just getting my shoes on."

If you have some clean jokes we can use, please send your contributions to

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Thought for Christmas: We live in a society and not an economy - the people matter more than the presents.

Until next fortnight,
With kindness,
Rachel.

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Further information for you

Learn in your own time.

There are seven CD sets, a printed book and 6 Electronic books to help you, including the NEW! CD set on "Confidence for women in social situations," and the new 3rd edition of the E-book "How to be a brilliant master of ceremonies." Please order in our online book and CD store - we have a secure server: click here.

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Disclaimer: The information in this magazine is of a general nature and may not suit everyone or every situation. While every care has been taken to ensure it is useful and appropriate, no responsibility can be taken for the results gained from its implementation. Please seek individual professional guidance for any difficulties you may have with your confidence, communication, or emotions. Thank you.