Written and published by Rachel Green.
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1. Welcome.
Have you ever worried about small things, got things out of perspective or stewed on something? Many of us blow things up out of proportion, or go over and over things so we can’t sleep, or get anxious over small things. When we do this our confidence can lower, our stress and anxiety rise and our relationships suffer. In contrast when we keep things in perspective we can be more confident, healthier and happier; keep our energy up; and get on more easily with people. Keeping things in perspective is worth working on and can be a sign of an emotionally intelligent person. How can we keep things in perspective? Read on to the tips section to find out.
Welcome to our new readers from around the world, including this fortnight people from UK, Australia, USA, Belgium, India, Pakistan, Canada, and more. And an extra big welcome to all the women who have joined us from Goomalling.
The winner this fortnight, of a free E-book from our range, is rasantich. If this is you, please contact us to claim your prize by Saturday 19th April 2008:
2. The tips: How to keep things in perspective and stay confident.
Tip 1: Don’t believe your mind.
I was driving home the other day after a meeting and realising how easily my mind can make things much bigger than they really are. If something goes wrong, small or large, it is possible in our minds to build it up into being much larger, more serious and far worse that it really is. When we do this our confidence to deal with it gets diminished. The problem is we can get so caught up in what we are saying to ourselves that we can start to believe the view that we’ve created. Yet in reality the situation or person may be nothing like we have thought or nowhere near as bad. In fact our ideas may be completely wrong. The first step in keeping things in perspective is therefore to realise we may not be right.
Tip 2. Take action – stop thinking.
Sometimes it’s possible to keep on thinking about or festering on an issue long after it is useful. When we do this our confidence and ability to deal well with the situation is lowered. Sometimes it would be much better to go out and talk to someone, do something differently or act in some other way to sort out the problem. I always remember the time when two friends I knew had not spoken to each other for years. When I asked “Why not?” it turned out it had started over some very minor issue and they’d then failed to take action to start talking again. Their shared hostile silence became entrenched. I thought this was silly so I told each person that the other regretted it and would like to become friends again. Having said this I offered to drive one of them around to the other person’s house. It was simple really. And guess what happened? They became friends again. Take action – stop thinking – sort out the issue. Then you will have less negative energy and greater confidence and contentment.
Tip 3. Watch out for “What If ....?
Anxiety and nervousness can arise when we think negative thoughts and believe them to be true. For example, it is possible to generate anxiety by having a simple thought such as, “What if something bad happens?” and then believing it will. Thus, you might be driving alone on a dark, lonely road and think, “What if I break down?” and then start to believe that this will happen. Next you may start to worry about how bad it will be when you do. You have lost touch with reality at this point because you haven’t broken down! To stop this kind of destructive thinking, in response to “What if I ...” you can simply ask “What if I don’t?”
The same applies to public speaking – so many people who aren’t confident knock their confidence by imaging all the “What ifs...” that may happen. For example, Amy, one of the women who was a star on the “Confidence for women in public speaking” CDs would say things to herself, such as, “What if I fall over?” and then act as if this would happen and become too anxious to speak. Others would say, “What if I go blank?”, “What if the audience isn’t interested?” or “What if I can’t answer the question?” ... and so on. By then believing their “What ifs” they become nervous and anxious. Watch out for any “What ifs” and don’t automatically believe them. Your “What if ...” might be blowing things out of perspective and knocking your confidence.
Tip 4. Make your predicament into a funny story.
When we laugh at what is happening to us we can get things back into perspective. If something has happened to you and it’s going over and over in your mind start to say your thoughts out-loud in a very silly voice until you laugh at yourself; or say your thoughts out-loud in a very slow boring voice and get slower and slower until it’s so boring that you can’t be bothered with it any more. Alternatively, turn it into an exaggerated story and tell it in a funny way to a friend so you can both laugh about it. When you can laugh about something you soften the effect it has on you and you can bring things back into perspective and help yourself stay positive.
Tip 5. Look around at the important things in life.
What really matters in life? What is really important? What are other people coping with? Often we worry, fret and stew on small things that don’t matter really. People fret about public speaking, for instance, but does their speech matter as much as they think? There are all sorts of questions you might ask to help you keep things in perspective and to let go of daily annoyances. For example, you might ask yourself, will this really matter in two years time? Will this matter this time next week or will I be worrying about something else? How would the people in Iraq cope if they had to face this? If I knew I only had 18 months to live would I care about this? When I am dead will it matter? Challenge what you are thinking and ask yourself questions to bring yourself back into perspective and regain your confidence and contentment.
3. More tips on emotional intelligence and confidence.
Each month new tips are placed on our page of Personal Development Tips and Articles.
There are several sets on managing your emotions and boosting your confidence for you to read. Click on the links to read three of the newest ones:
- Five ways to stop yourself from getting upset by difficult people.
- Five Ways to Handle the Stress of a Busy Life.
- Five easy ways to overcome nervousness in public speaking.
4. Find out how to overcome the fear of public speaking.
Confidence for women in public speaking: How to cure stage fright and develop more confident public speaking skills.
Many people fear public speaking. In association with this some are anxious because they have believed all the “What ifs” they’ve generated; or because the way they think about speaking has made it seem much larger, more important and worse than it really is. This is not to trivialise the fear of public speaking as public speaking panic can be horrible to endure. The good news is the fears can be overcome. The anxiety can lessen. And you can become a confident public speaker. These CDs will show you how. They feature a group of inspiring women - some are already confident speakers and others you hear me coach to become confident. You have a rare opportunity to learn with them to build your own confidence. Order this unique 2 CD set now and become more confident speaking in public. Only $49, with no extra for postage or packing, world-wide.
Bonus: If you buy these CDs on the website no later than Saturday 19th April 2008, then you will receive a second copy of the CDs for F.R.E.E. worth $49. Give them to a friend and help them too.
To be eligible for the extra copy you must order through our On-line Book and CD store and click newsletter when it asks you where you heard about the CDs. Don't miss out - hurry as this offer closes, Saturday 19th April 2008. This offer is ONLY available to CONFIDENCE 4 U Readers.
5. Laugh your socks off.
Thanks to Maureen for this week's joke.
God, St Francis and gardening.
St Frank mate, you know all about gardens and nature. What in the world is going on down there on the planet? What happened to the dandelions, violets, thistle and stuff that I started eons ago? I had a perfect, no-maintenance garden plan. Those plants grow in any type of soil, withstand drought and multiply with abandon. The nectar from the long lasting blossoms attracts butterflies, honey bees and flocks of songbirds. I expected to see a vast garden of colours by now. But all I see are these green rectangles.
ST. FRANCIS: It's the tribes that settled there, Lord. The Suburbanites. They started calling your flowers "weeds" and went to great lengths to kill them and replace them with grass.
GOD: Grass? But it's so boring. It's not colourful. It doesn't attract butterflies, birds and bees, only grubs and worms. It's sensitive to temperatures. Do these Suburbanites really want all that grass growing there?
ST. FRANCIS: Apparently so, Lord. They go to great pains to grow it and keep it green. They begin each spring by fertilizing grass and poisoning any other plant that crops up in the lawn.
GOD: The spring rains and warm weather probably make grass grow really fast. That must make the Suburbanites happy.
ST. FRANCIS: Apparently not, Lord. As soon as it grows a little, they cut it - sometimes twice a week.
GOD: They cut it? Do they then bale it like hay?
ST. FRANCIS: Not exactly, Lord. Most of them rake it up and put it in bags.
GOD: They bag it? Why? Is it a cash crop? Do they sell it?
ST. FRANCIS: No Sir. Just the opposite. They pay to throw it away.
GOD: Now let me get this straight. They fertilize grass so it will grow and when it does grow, they cut it off and pay to throw it away?
ST. FRANCIS: Yes, Sir.
GOD: These Suburbanites must be relieved in the summer when we cut back on the rain and turn up the heat. That surely slows the growth and saves them a lot of work.
ST. FRANCIS: You aren't going to believe this Lord. When the grass stops growing so fast, they drag out hoses and pay more money to water it so they can continue to mow it and pay to get rid of it.
GOD: What nonsense. At least they kept some of the trees. That was a sheer stroke of genius, if I do say so myself. The trees grow leaves in the spring to provide beauty and shade in the summer. In the autumn they fall to the ground and form a natural blanket to keep moisture in the soil and protect the trees and bushes. Plus, as they rot, the leaves form compost to enhance the soil. It's a natural circle of life.
ST. FRANCIS: You better sit down, Lord. The Suburbanites have drawn a new circle. As soon as the leaves fall, they rake them into great piles and pay to have them hauled away.
GOD: No. What do they do to protect the shrub and tree roots in the winter and to keep the soil moist and loose?
ST. FRANCIS: After throwing away the leaves, they go out and buy something which they call mulch. They haul it home and spread it around in place of the leaves.
GOD: And where do they get this mulch?
ST. FRANCIS: They cut down trees and grind them up to make the mulch.
GOD: Enough. I don't want to think about this anymore. St. Catherine, you're in charge of the arts. What movie have you scheduled for us tonight?
ST.CATHERINE: Dumb and Dumber, Lord. It's a real stupid movie about ...
GOD: Never mind, I think I just heard the whole story from St. Francis.
If you have some clean jokes we can use, please send your contributions to
Keep things in perspective and the world will seem a much better place and the people around you much easier to appreciate. May you be confident and content with your life - it is the only one you have and is a gift.
With kindness,
Rachel.
Further information for you
Learn in your own time.
There are eight CD sets, a printed book and 6 Electronic books to help you, including the NEW! CD set on "CONFIDENCE for women in PUBLIC SPEAKING," and the new 3rd edition of the E-book "How to be a brilliant master of ceremonies." Please order in our online book and CD store - we have a secure server: click here.
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Disclaimer: The information in this magazine is of a general nature and may not suit everyone or every situation. While every care has been taken to ensure it is useful and appropriate, no responsibility can be taken for the results gained from its implementation.
Please seek individual professional guidance for any difficulties you may have with your confidence, public speaking, stress levels, managing people, communication, or emotions. Thank you.
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